Uber Weddings Are a Thing Now, So Say Goodbye to Romance

I didn’t think it was possible for weddings to get any less romantic than a drive-through chapel in Las Vegas… but I stand corrected: Sharing economy car service Uber is now offering weddings. Just, y’know, in case you’ve ever dreamed of saying “I do” to the love of your life in the backseat of some rando’s car.

Uber weddings will only be an option for one day — Saturday, June 28 — so the whole thing is pretty much just a huge publicity stunt. But let’s face it: As the Daily Dot notes, rather a lot of human beings “would happily let [Uber] co-opt their wedding vows for a marketing stunt,” because that’s just how we are. Here’s how it works, according to Uber’s blog:

  1. First, make sure you have the all documents you need for a marriage license (Uber even took it upon themselves to create an oh-so-helpful guide for you).
  2. On Saturday, June 28 — that’s tomorrow — open the app anytime between noon and 6pm.
  3. Select “UberWEDDING” and drop the pin where you’d like your Uber wedding to be.
  4. If you’re accepted, your wedding will take somewhere in the neighborhood of 45 minutes to an hour.
  5. The ceremony is free — and so is the honeymoon, which will be provided in the weeks after your wedding by HotelTonight and Alaska Airlines.

You heard me. Free ceremony. Free honeymoon. Here, I made you a meme:

If and when the whole thing goes down, you’ll first work with an on-site notary to get your marriage license; after you’ve gotten that pesky piece of business out of the way, a violinist will begin to play and your ceremony will begin. Flowers will be provided by Bloom That, candles by bella j., dessert by SusieCakes, and champagne from Iron Horse. I’m unclear about whether you’ll actually be saying your I dos in the car or once you arrive at wherever you told your Uber driver to take you, but, well… that’s not really the point is it?

HOWEVER: Note that in step four, there’s a big, iffy caveat. I highly doubt that HotelTonight and Alaska Airlines, as generous as they may be, will be paying for more than a small selection of couples to go on a big romantic adventure; the same goes for all the businesses providing flowers, desserts, and so on. As such, I would caution against putting all your wedding eggs in one, Uber-y basket.

After hearing so much about Uber’s shady business practices and questionable tactics, I’m kind of at a point where my response to almost everything the company does is, “NO! BAD UBER! BAD!” Is that unfair of me? Probably. Actually, definitely. Yes, it is definitely unfair of me. Be that as it may, though, I’m 99 percent positive that this Uber wedding thing is mostly a big ploy to bolster the company’s image. The fact that I can clearly see that that’s the case, though? Makes it a significantly less effective move. Also, I can’t for the life of me figure out how this idea came about in the first place.

But hey, if you want to go for it, by all means, do. Let us know how it turns out, will you? Especially the honeymoon part — I noticed that Uber doesn’t specify exactly where they’ll send you. Scenic Newark perhaps? For your sake, I sincerely hope not.

Image: daniel_gies/Flickr