"Anti-Masturbation Cross" Will Keep Your Kid From Masturbating, Happiness, Etc.

Believe it or not, people start touching themselves — yes, "touching themselves" — as early as while they are still in the womb. By most modern and enlightened accounts, masturbation is a benign or even healthy practice, in moderation. But some people are just so filled with sexual shame that they won't even allow themselves this simple pleasure.

These poor people and are often mocked by an Internet population that is well-acquainted with the wonders of masturbation. A popular spoof site, stopmasturbationnow.org, has really taken the cake this time, though! Check out the "Anti-Masturbation Cross", via EliteDaily:

At first, I wasn't even positive that this a joke, because some parents are that completely obsessed with curbing their children's natural urges and passing on life-worsening sex negativity. Maybe other people aren't entirely sure it's a joke either, because stopmasturbationnow.org has crashed, apparently from excessive traffic (cached version here).

But if you visit the related Facebook page for Stop Masturbation NOW, you'll realize from some of the completely over-the-top mentions of "self-rape" that it is indeed a joke. Thank goodness someone in this world is standing up for masturbation. Even if you're religious and care to impart a certain vision of sexual morality and chastity to your offspring, I'm sure that God wouldn't have designed small children to be so relentlessly curious about their bodies if stray touches were just going to send them straight to hell.

Image credit: via Damien Walter, @damiengwalter