13 Basic Bitch Things We All Do All The Time, Just Admit It
Ah, the basic bitch debate. Is it cruel to imply that a certain type of girl is painfully normal because of her affinity for SoulCycle and Sex and The City? Definitely. But it makes the rest of us high brow, New Yorker-reading, EDM-shaming intellectuals feel more confident that the nerds really got the last laugh, so it continues.
Well, my fellow This American Life-enthusiasts, it is with a heavy heart that I deliver this devastating news: Everyone's a little bit basic. It stings, I know, but it's true. There are definitively basic bitch-y activities that we've all indulged in — and probably even enjoyed — on a pretty regular basis.
Before you lose your Gladwell-fluent mind over this potential identity crisis, keep in mind that being a basic bitch is like the squares and rectangles rule — not everyone who does the things below is basic, but every basic bitch does these things. You see the distinction? It's super important, and means there's hope for you yet. Just keep doing those daily crosswords and mentioning your most recent trip to India at every single party — no one will ever know you sometimes dabble in a little basic-dom. Oh, and make sure to burn every single one of your Starbucks receipts, lest your be-spectacled roommate find the evidence.
1. Shopping at Trader Joes
2. Having A Michael Kors Watch
Classy, yes. Goes with everything, yes. But definitely a BB staple.
3. Drinking Starbucks
Whatever, they're on like, every street corner. Go ahead, girl. Crank up that caramel.
4. Using Instagram
I'm sorry, but this app is basic as hell.
5. Taking Tequila Shots
They bring out your inner Woo Girl.
6. Liking the Song 'Problem' by Ariana Grande
Especially if you request it be played at the bar where you're doing tequila shots.
7. Using abbrevs
YOU'VE DONE IT STOP LYING.
8. Doing Yoga
I recognize the fact that my favorite form of exercise has gained a basic reputation. And I'm OK with that.
9. Saying you love whiskey, pizza, and craft beer
Yeah, I know! It's all great and delicious! Thanks a lot, basics, for turning these into a chick cliche, especially in online dating profiles.
10. Eating froyo
Just because you didn't post it on IG doesn't mean you didn't love the heck out of that 16 Handles.
11. Eating Chipotle
Ugh, all good food is ruined. You're sort of in the clear here as long as you don't get the burrito bowl, though. Shit is WEAK and BASIC.
12. Wearing Jorts
Sure, the basic bitch's jean shorts are probably shorter and more distressed than your thrifted/DIY'd pair (though DIYing is pretty basic too, dude), but they're still freakin' jean shorts when you get right down to it.
13. Going To Brunch
But like, this is barely fair because who can even resist a massive plate of eggs and home fries?