While Simon Cowell's Baby Drama Continues, We Pen His Future Child a Much-Needed Lullaby

Since news broke that X Factor judge Simon Cowell impregnated his friend's wife, Lauren Silverman, we've known this baby is in for an interesting ride. Not only does the baby have the acid-tongued Cowell for a father, but the child's pure existence is the very thing that allegedly tore apart Silverman's marriage to her husband, financier Andrew Silverman. (While some reports claim the Silvermans' relationship was estranged, others claim they were very much together when Cowell entered the scene.)

So before this little fetus even turned three months old, it's survived a slew of press and has what will probably turn out to be a bitter custody battle to look forward to. (Andrew Silverman's brother, after all, released a statement about Cowell's alleged affair that was not too kind: "It is an unbelievable story of betrayal. It is a sad story and a tragic story.")

Not good. So, while Cowell waits to clear things up "when the time is right," we thought the one thing the child of the singing reality series producer and judge is really going to need is a lullaby — a good one, because it might have a tense and fraught birth six months down the line. Here you go, Little Baby Silverman-Cowell. This one's for you.

(Sang to the tune of Rockabye Baby)

Rockabye Baby, in utero

Your mom's current man will soon be her foe

But if the court case should go less than swell

Worry not, little baby, your dad's Simon Cowell

And if the divorce should get nasty and mean

Worry not, little baby, 'cause Daddy's got green

He's got more than enough to support you for life

And you can be sure, Mommy won't be his wife

Simon wants to support you, and get custody

Because Mommy Lauren is a little greedy

Worry not, little baby, Daddy'll sort you out

Even if he didn't want a little Cowell running about

But now you're en route and despite all the press

I think your life will not be a mess

You've got wealthy parents, even if they don't wed

So worry not, little baby, you've got a good life ahead