Tim Howard Would Make A Great Defense Secretary

It's been a whirlwind week for Tim Howard. After his record 16 saves in the USA vs. Belgium match, which made it almost feel like Team USA won, he's been dubbed the American Jesus and promoted to Secretary of Defense on Wikipedia. And on Wednesday, the real Secretary of Defense, Chuck Hagel, called Tim Howard with some encouraging words. We can only hope that he ended the phone call with, "When I retire, you'll have a job waiting for you."

According to Pentagon Press Secretary Navy Rear Adm. John Kirby, Hagel called Howard to thank him for defending the U.S. ... at the World Cup.

"Secretary Hagel congratulated Howard on his record-breaking game and a great run in Brazil," Kirby said in a statement. "He invited Howard and the entire team to come to the Pentagon later this year. He told Howard that with some training, he could someday become the real secretary of defense."

Don't tease us, Hagel! Because that would make a lot of people happy. And it's not a total stretch, because if you examine closely, soccer is a lot like politics, and sometimes even more powerful. You don't see diplomacy bringing people together on this kind of scale, and with this much fervor. And like great political leaders, soccer players have the power to single-handedly inspire an entire country and ignite national pride.

As for Howard, he's already a natural leader, and Washington could learn a thing or two from his game-saving performance. Based on what we saw on the field on Tuesday, here's why we think Howard would actually make a great Secretary of Defense.

1. He Prevents Disasters

Just as the Secretary of Defense uses the military to prevent foreign and domestic disasters, Howard used his military (his bod) to prevent what could have been the most disastrous World Cup game in history. (Hello, 16-1?!)

2. He Would Never Crack Under Pressure

Great leaders must be able to think on their feet and react quickly under pressure. Howard is literally the definition of reacting quickly under pressure.

3. He Has Superhuman Physical Abilities

It felt like Howard was diving every which way to save a goal every 10 seconds. Do you know the amount of flexibility and core strength that requires?

4. He Can Overcome Difficult Odds

Howard has Tourette's syndrome, a neurological disorder that causes one to involuntarily twitch and sometimes curse, but it hasn't affected his steely resolve. Not only did he have to deal with the media's cruel taunts over his condition, Howard has to conquer his twitches in every single game.

"I have no idea how I do it," he told Spiegel Online. "Not even my doctors can explain it to me. It’s probably because at that moment my concentration on the game is stronger than the Tourette’s syndrome."

Steely resolve.

5. He Once Scored a Goal

OK, not quite policy-related, but a goalkeeper who can also score goals? That's almost unheard of. When Howard was playing for Everton Football Club, he booted a ball so far that it went past the opposing goalkeeper and into the net. That's not even the best part — the best part of this story is that Howard was humble about it, telling the Guardian that his goal was "cruel" and that he felt bad for the other goalkeeper.

"It's not nice, it's embarrassing," he said. "So I felt for Adam, but you have to move on from it."

6. He Looks Like This

Again, maybe not quite so policy-related. But we'll take any excuse to look at this.

Image: PETA