Helen Mirren Doesn't Have a Beauty Routine, So Being That Flawless at 69 Must Be Natural

Like many women, I spend a lot of time wondering who I should sell my soul to so that I look as hot as Helen Mirren when I'm 69. The Devil? A villain from Buffy the Vampire Slayer? The ladies at Sephora? It seems I'm out of luck because Helen Mirren isn't revealing the supernatural deity responsible for her hotness. Instead, Mirren told Redbook magazine that she doesn't have a beauty routine and cuts her own hair. Hmm, the plot thickens...

In a recent interview with Redbook, Mirren was asked to spill the details of her beauty regimen, because any magazine with the secrets to Helen Mirren's lasting beauty would fly off the shelves faster than a fifth Twilight novel. Here's Mirren's response:

I don't have one, quite honestly. I don't really know what a beauty routine is. But I love beauty products, and I'm always trying new ones. One thing I consistently use is Latisse [the prescription lash-growth serum]. It really works, and if your eyelashes look great, you can let a lot of other things be crap.

She also uses drugstore skincare products and Kate Somerville face wash. Her hair products of choice are from Crabtree & Evelyn and Kiehl's. Basically, Helen Mirren has the beauty routine of a a suburban mom. And you really expect me to believe that she's not using witchcraft to maintain that wrinkle-free skin and stunning physique?

I think it's pretty clear that she and Pharrell both know a guy and that guy has the secret to eternal youth. Do you think they'd give me his number? Because I want whatever Fountain of Youth potion they've both been drinking.