The Great Cat Uprising of 2014 Heats Up

In the quiet town of DeLand, which dubs itself the "Athens of Florida," we've seen the development of a disturbing and real coup that could shake society to its core. A four-year-old Russian Blue cat attacked its Florida owners, forcing them to flee to the bedroom and call 911 dispatchers for help. The attacker, dubbed Kush, is another example to back my longstanding theory: Cats are going to take over the world.

The whole thing started when Kushy was behaving badly on July 5. Using a technique that I often employ with my little Bombay cat, Simone, James Gregory locked the cat in the bathroom. When she emerged, all hell broke loose. Yahoo reported the desperate call from Gregory's wife, Teresa:

I can't get out. She's got us trapped in our bedroom. She's just sitting outside my bedroom door right now. We don't know what to do.

The Gregory family emerged from the siege with bloody scratches on their arms and legs. DeLand Animal Control arrived to detain Kush for 10 days because she has never had any vaccinations, although she tested negative for rabies.And the thing is, it always starts from a place of tenderness. "I don't know what's wrong with her. I love this cat to death," Teresa told the dispatcher. And now, I am watching my cat with a newfound sense of horror.

I don't know if felines have learned how to text or what, but I think what we're seeing is the beginning of a worldwide cat coup. Last month, two cats locked their owner in her bedroom by knocking off her door handle. Last week, a cat broke into the home of an elderly English couple and refused to leave. And we all remember the 22-pound Lux, who trapped his owners in the bathroom and is ferocious enough where he can't even be calmed by cat whisperer extraordinaire Jackson Galaxy.

So next time you're baby-talking your little ball of fur, remember this: Behind those beautiful green eyes and soft black fur lies the heart of a lion, refusing to be tamed. They aren't just an Internet sensation, but a force to be reckoned with. Step aside, humans. The cats are coming. Image: DeLand Police Dept., Getty Images