John Milhiser's Most Memorable 'SNL" Sketches

by Arielle Dachille

Sadly, some featured Saturday Night Live players were just never meant to reach the “not yet ready for Primetime” level. Today, news broke that SNL cast member John Milhiser wouldn’t be returning to for another season. Along with fellow newbies Noel Welles and Brooks Wheelan, NBC has declined to renew Milhiser’s contract. Sadly, in Milhiser’s short stint at the show, he had very little opportunity to stand out. As much as it pains us to say, his dismissal doesn’t come as much of a surprise. Now, that said, he may go on to have an illustrious career like many other SNL one-season vets. However, on the legendary variety show he was relegated to “floor lamp” status.

Mostly, Milhiser was shoved into the background of sketches, or played ancillary roles that involved very minimal acting. Come to think of it, we hardly remember seeing him on screen. According to Vulture, Milhiser appeared on camera a paltry 35 times, the least out of any of the new kids. But naturally, there were a few sketches in which he stood out. Even if his role was a split-second long, he popped up from time to time to say “Hey, remember me? I’m here because I have comedy chops!” To commemorate Milhiser’s too-soon departure, we’re remembering the sketches in which he was noticeable. Pour out some Centauri vodka for our boy…


In this sketch, which was sadly cut in dress rehearsal, we see Milhiser as Viper, the world's most unthreatening cop. He delivers potentially his most memorable line of his SNL career: “You’ll get your smoochy smoochies..." Then again, this only made it to dress.

NOW! (That's What I Call Christmas)

Welp, he does a good Billie Joe Armstrong!

Centauri Vodka

We spotted you, John! In the sketch, he plays the back end of Bruce Willis’ centaur… is this a metaphor for his SNL career?

Family Feud Celebrity Edition

Here, we have him as Jon Cryer. Even in the sketches, people can't remember exactly who he is. Sad face.

4th Grade Talent Show

In this sketch, Milhiser plays a stage dad, opposite Lady Gaga. He can actually hold his own next to her. Boy knows how to gyrate...

We'll miss you John! You can come over and teach us how to swivel our hips any time you like...