'RHONY': Carole Knows How To Throw A Party

by Caitlyn Callegari

I'm sure you've had an extravagant birthday party at least once in your life. Whether it was a bat mitzvah, a quinceañera, a sweet sixteen, a wild 21st, or a more demure 30th-- we all like to indulge and celebrate the big milestones. After all, birthdays are important reminders that we've made it this far mostly unscathed. We should celebrate! But clearly, when it comes to a Real Housewife's birthday, especially a noteworthy birthday like 50, extravagance doesn't cut it. No, we're in the big leagues here, y'all. We need snake handlers.

Yes, snake handlers. What else could you possibly want at a birthday?! In all seriousness though, as much as I love Carole, her requests for her birthday were out of this world. But, at least she has a good humor about it all. With Carole it never seems like "gimme" it feels more like a very strong and assertive suggestion that she'll probably be substantially pissed off if you don't comply with. Whatever, we all have flaws and if Carole's is being a bit of a control freak about turning half a century, we'll let it slide. Besides, it was definitely nice to see someone boss Heather around for once (sorry, Heather).

While Carole was going all Veruca Salt on us, I did manage to jot down a few of her "simple" requests for her party and they go as followed:

  • The aforementioned snake handlers
  • Snakes... ya know, so they can be handled
  • Butterflies... for the centerpieces (sans permit)
  • Apples, again, for the centerpieces. BUT POLISHED
  • Headless mannequins
  • A man walking an imaginary dog
  • A psychic

And let's not forget that she dictated what she could and could not say in her own toast to Heather via email which Heather ingeniously used as the actual toast. Basically, this was the best RHONY party to date because it was simultaneously so ridiculous and yet low key and fun at the same time. I guess everyone's gotta be a diva sometimes.