6 Things We Need From Billy Eichner's Book

by Alanna Bennett

The most important tome of our post-Potter generation has just been announced: Billy Eichner is writing a book. The magic of his manic take on everything popular culture will now be translated to the written word, and it's quite possible the world doesn't know what's about to hit it. Are you psyched? I'M PSYCHED. Eichner has largely made his name through his show Billy on the Street, in which you can watch him yell at passersby on the streets of New York about the values of Pink. He's also brought his particular energy to a recurring role on Parks and Recreation. So what will that energy — which includes a lot of screaming, a lot of running, and a lot of Meryl Streep — look like when it's written down instead of live-action? The Hollywood Reporter describes Eichner's book as "an as-yet-untitled comedic take on Hollywood and pop culture." That seems fitting, but it's still not exactly descriptive of what we can expect. After all, this is a man who had his crew construct an entire Meryl Streep theme park for a segment of his show — we've seen him work in different mediums, just never one quite so textual. I'll take whatever Eichner comes up with when it comes to his book. But I do have some preliminary ideas of what I'd like to see.

An analysis of Katherine Heigl's career

There's just so much left to say.

A how-to guide to how to become Billy Eichner

Step one: Appear with John Goodman in an SNL sketch at the age of 12. Step 50: Build a Meryl Streep theme park. Steps 1-49: ??????

A giant poster of Idris Elba folded into the center

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Just for fun.

Reviews of modern "classics"

He can love them or rip them apart, I'll take either.

An in-depth, multipart interview with Jennifer Lawrence

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I just kind of want to witness them hanging out for a few chapters.

Meryl Streep

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Obviously Streep will need her own dedicated section.

Images: Fuse TV; 20th Century Fox; Paramount