Hillary Clinton's Speaking Contract? It's Full Of Gems, Just Don't Say The Word "President"

Let me be clear about something: I'm not mad that Hillary Clinton was paid to speak at the University at Buffalo. Politicians and public figures have been paid lots of money for their time, even, say, Anthony Weiner. But thanks to the Public Accountability Initiative, we now have the nine-page contract between Clinton's speaking agency and the University of Buffalo. No, it's no Van Halen and the brown M&M's, but there are are some gems hiding within the standard language.

On cancellations

"...the Agency shall use its best efforts to arrange for a mutually agreeable substitute speaker."

"Sponsor recognizes and agrees that Speaker may elect to reschedule or cancel her appearance under this Contract and Speaker may do so for any reason whatsoever and at any time prior to the engagement."

So if Hill has to bail for "any reason whatsoever" they will use their "best efforts" to get someone else? I think that means they make a few halfhearted phone calls then send in for poor Chelsea. But they tried their best!

On the universe dumping all over the performance

"God, wars, hostilities, blockades, civil disturbances, revolutions, strikes, terrorist attacks, or lockouts, or other events of force majeure, Agency, Speaker and/or Sponsor (Parties) shall not be responsible to the other for failure or delay in performance of its obligations under this Contract. Each Party shall promptly notify the other Parties of such force majeure condition."Well. I think that just about covers everything from paranormal to a citizen's coup.

Alex Wong/Getty Images News/Getty Images

On event format

"It is agreed that the Speaker’s office via the agency shall have final approval of the introducer requested by Sponsor. If the agreed-upon itinerary for this engagement includes a moderated Q&A, it is agreed that Speaker’s office via the Agency shall have final approval of any moderator requested."

Imagine the trolling that they could do if this provision wasn't in there. John Kerry? Anyone from her "hit list"? "The Sponsor agrees to pay a fee of $1,000 for the services of a stenography, who will be onsite at the event. The stenographer will transcribe Speaker’s remarks as they are being delivered, which shall be solely for the Speaker’s records."

Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News/Getty Images

This was an hour. Long. One. I need to get into stenography if that is the typical going rate.

"The Speaker may request that Sponsor pay for and provide a presidential glass panel teleprompter and a qualified operator."*PRESIDENTIAL*"The only approved speech title will be 'Remarks by Former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton.'"Definitely not open to suggestions, either.