Christina Aguilera’s Baby Shower Cake Is Pretty Graphic But These 6 Others Are Much Worse
I don't know if you knew this, but your favorite songstress from the early aughts is pregnant. You know who I mean. The singer of the pop princess and boy band era who even your mom was into because "She can actually sing... unlike some of them." Yep, good ol' Xtina is expecting her second child and she recently had her baby shower. And let me tell you, Christina Aguilera's baby shower cake is a sight to behold. Unlike most cakes, it doesn't look delicious, it doesn't have frosting flowers, and it doesn't not feature a naked Christina Aguilera giving birth on a rug. Didn't see that last part coming, did ya?
The cake shows an Aguilera created out of frosting, naked and pushing a baby out of her... self, complete with pubic hair and baby's head on it's way out into the world. While the cake is pretty graphic (if you're at work and your boss prefers there aren't confectionary vaginas on your computer, it's probably best to turn away now), it is NOTHING compared to some of the other baby shower cakes out there. (As an aside, I had no idea a baby shower cake was a thing until now. I mean, I guess it makes sense to want to eat cake at a gathering, but the idea that it's a thing that you order from a bakery that goes overboard with fondant is new to me.)
Here's Aguilera's cake in all of it's glory:
I wonder if anyone actually ate any. "I'll just have a small piece, please. Oh no, that's too big. Maybe that one there with the boob?"
In honor of Xtina and her baby to come, here are some baby shower cakes that make Aguilera's look totally normal. Her new daughter won't be embarrassed when she sees the pics of her cake AT ALL if she compares it to these.
You know what makes people feel like eating cake? A graphic representation of the fact that you're belly not only contains food, but a human with a foot who is ready to get the eff outta there.
The baby butt cake, like the foot cake, is another one I've found is extremely popular. Fake, wrinkly, flesh-colored feet are sooo appetizing.
There are lots of cakes with giant boobs that look like if you took one of the bachelorette party penis cake pants and altered the bottom to add a 9-months pregnant stomach. It's like that episode of Friends where Rachel accidentally gets a penis cake for Emma's birthday. Just turn it in to a bunny! It'll be fine!
There are so many great things about this. There's the fact that all the sperm are happy even though only one of them is the real winner here. The way that it actually is biologically accurate. But I think my favorite thing is that the child's name is written on the sperm that matched up with that egg. That is you, Evan James, and this is how you came to be.
The Actual Baby
Yay! It's a joyous occasion! Let's eat an actual baby to celebrate new life!
The Really, Really Too Graphic. Omg Turn Back Now & Save Yourself
You really liked strawberries before this, didn't you?
So, Christina Aguilera's future child, if the Internet still exists in 15 years when you find that picture of your mom with her baby shower cake, I hope you find this post and realize that it really isn't so bad after all.