Imagining 'TFIOS,' Musical Edition

At this point, it's hard to imagine that there's a person in the world who hasn't seen The Fault in Our Stars. No matter where you are, you're bound to run into someone toting a copy of John Green's novel or exulting on the pleasures of Ansel Elgort's face, and on places like Tumblr and Twitter, you're bound to come across plenty of people freaking out about how much they loved/hated/had feelings about the film. Six weeks after the movie's release, though, the hype is starting to finally die down — yet if the rumors that a Bollywood remake of The Fault in Our Stars is in the works turn out to be true, then one can expect the fanfare to continue for a long, long time.

According to the India-based entertainment website MagnaMags.com, filmmaker Karan Johar has secured the rights to the Josh Boone film and plans to remake it into a Hindi-language film. Although no other details were provided, other sites suggest that a female lead has already been chosen, with actress Alia Bhatt as the leading contender.

The only problem? John Green has no idea about any of this. And if the author doesn't know what's going on, it's probably a good indication that, well, nothing is going on. It's entirely possible that it's simply just a rumor, and that no remake of the movie is actually in the works. Still, the "news" had me wondering: what would a Bollywood, song and dance-filled version of The Fault in our Stars be like? Here are the musical numbers I'd like to see:

"In the Literal the Heart of Jesus"

The opening number of the movie takes place as Hazel enters the cancer support group, warily surveying her fellow members. It introduces us to Patrick, Isaac, and Gus, right at the very end when Hazel runs into him and her singing stops short.

"It's a Metaphor"

A fan-favorite song, this is a talky, lighthearted, dance-filled tune about cigarettes, death, and V for Vendetta. Fun!

"The Dinnertime Wait"

As Hazel sits through dinner with her parents, she's barely listening, instead singing a song no one else can hear about how she's trying not to check her phone constantly for texts from Gus, but totally is, and why won't he just text her already?!

"Dear Peter van Houten"

Hazel's list of questions for the reclusive author becomes a hopeful, nervous song.

"The Genies"

What starts off as a sad ballad about not being able to go to Amsterdam turns into an uplifting, soaring tune when Hazel learns that Gus is giving up his wish for them to go visit van Houten together.

"The ICU"

As Hazel gets sent to the hospital, her parents remember their past experiences there and how scary it is to see their daughter this sick. It's sad, somber song.

"On Our Way"

Back in action, Hazel, Gus, and Hazel's mom fly to Amsterdam. As they get get ready for their big meeting with van Houten, they sing and dance joyfully about how much they already love the city.

"We'll Never Know"

In which Hazel bitterly cries about van Houten, and Gus comforts her. Short and sad.

"Anne Frank"

A silly, happy song after Hazel and Gus share their first kiss in the most inappropriate of places.

"Tasting the Stars"

A duet, with background vocals from nearby waiters and restaurant patrons.

"Venn Diagrams"

Beautiful and sexy. About love.

"Like a Christmas Tree"

Gus' mournful lament on his cancer's return.

"Infinities"

A beautiful song delivered by Hazel at Gus' pre-funeral.

"Funeral"

Short and sad, fit for the occasion.

"My Eulogy"

When Isaac tells Hazel that the paper Van Houten gave her is actually her eulogy, written by Gus. Depressing at first, then gorgeous, hopeful, and full of love. Tonys 2016, anyone?

Images: 20th Century Fox