NSA Agents Pass Your Naked Photos Around, Edward Snowden Informs Everybody
Oh, National Security Agency, will you never cease to leave us completely nonplussed by your innumerable intrusions into our lives? According to our favorite privacy-party-pooper, Edward Snowden, NSA employees look at and pass around nude photos pretty regularly. It's a "fringe benefit" of being in surveillance, Snowden explained, to pretty much everyone's horror.
Hot on the heels of reports that the NSA spies on ordinary Internet users way more often than on official targets (and that at least half of those intercepted are American citizens), Snowden claimed that the security agency also constantly stumbles upon pictures of people in compromising positions — and that these pictures are, well, enjoyed.
He said during a video interview with The Guardian published Thursday:
Now in the course of their daily work, they stumble across something that is completely unrelated to their work in any sense. For example, an intimate nude photo of someone in a sexually compromising situation, but they’re extremely attractive.
So what do they do? They turn around and they show their coworker. And their coworker says ‘Oh hey, that’s great. Show it to Bill down the way.’ And then Bill sends it to George, George sends it to Tom, and sooner or later this person’s whole life has been seen by all of these other people.
It's not that the NSA as a whole OKs this practice. In fact, they've stated pretty clearly that they've got a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to abuses of the agency's power. But according to Snowden, the agency allegedly just can't quite keep track of what's going on (trust me, I see the irony). "It’s never reported. Nobody every knows about it because the auditing of these systems is incredibly weak," he told The Guardian. "You’ve got young enlisted guys 18-22 years old. They’ve suddenly been thrust into a position of extraordinary responsibility where they now have access to all your private records. " In light of this information, here's how we'd imagine the NSA might react to seeing your, ah, less "conventional" nude pictures.
Upon Seeing That Picture You Only Took To Check That Gross Thing On Your Inner Thigh, But Then Was So Weird You Sent it To Your Best Friend
"George, dude, you've gotta see this, man. Like, I can't figure it out. What is that — is that a? What the...Duuuuude."
Upon Seeing That Picture You Took of Your Knees When They Looked Like Boobs
"Yo, yo, Bill! Bill!! Come check this out. I got me a sweet pair o— oh, wait. Nevermind. It's knees again."
Upon Seeing That Picture Where You're Flexing Your Arm Muscles In the Mirror, Naked (Yes, You Do That)
"Dude. We need to get us a gym in this office."
Upon Seeing That Picture You Only Took To CHECK If That Superwoman-Lingerie Costume Looked Cute (It Didn't. It Looked Weird)
"Yo, Tom — wasn't that your Halloween costume?"
Upon Seeing That Picture Your Boyfriend Took of You Eating Chicken in Bed, Naked
"Alright, guys. Guys. I'm in love."
Upon Seeing That Nudie Picture Of Someone That Looks Suspiciously Like the Head of the Office
"You know, that face looks kinda familiar. You could almost — HOLY MOTHER OF — FAHGHDGHHJFHG"
Images: Giphy (6)