Gwyneth Paltrow's Flawless Divorce Shouldn't Surprise Anyone — The Woman Rules at Everything
Anything you can do, I can do better. That's likely the first thing that pops into Gwyneth Paltrow's perfect head each morning when she opens her perfect eyes. And not because she's conceited, because it's true. Sure, we all mocked her for her "conscious uncoupling" business when she and Chris Martin announced their break-up. But she's certainly getting the last laugh now, as her divorce is the greatest divorce in all of divorce history. Paltrow and Martin were spotted together yet again on Monday night at a screening for Hector And The Search For Happiness in the Hamptons. The pair barely announced their split a few months ago, and they've been seen hanging out numerous times already. Hell, they even took a vacay together. A gorgeous divorce if we've ever seen one.
Really, though, should any of us have expected anything less from Paltrow? This is Gwyneth we're talking about, after all. The Queen of Perfection. The Queen of Domesticity. The Queen of Versailles. Wait, that's someone else. Bottom line: We can think what we want of her, but the woman has her shit together more than anyone else out there — she's just so damn good at everything.
Think divorce is the only think Paltrow is awesome at? Think again. Here are five other things Paltrow dominates at.
She doesn't just act, she wins Oscars
Acting is what Selena Gomez did on the Wizards of Waverly Place. That's beneath Gwyneth. Paltrow walks onto a set, owns everyone, then drives off with a gold statue a few months later. And then she wins an Oscar for her Oscar speech. Boom, sucka!
She doesn't just exercise, she methods
While you may go to the gym and walk on a treadmill for 45 minutes like a stupid loser, Paltrow is doing the Tracy Anderson Method ... in her workout room. Like "conscious uncoupling" the term sounds a bit foolish, but like "conscious uncoupling," it gets results. (See: Gwyneth's torso.)
This is the result of a trip to Costco for Gwyneth
No, really, Gwyneth got this crap from Costco.
This is the result of a trip to Costco for you
She mom-dances — And it's g.d. adorable
If this was your mom, would you be embarrassed? Probably. But then you'd remember that embarrassment is merely a subsidiary of shame, which, with the help of daily mantras, meditations, and reiki, is something you're working on.
This is Gwyneth's idea of "cheating" on a diet
This is your idea of cheating on a diet
How has the ASPCA not picked you up yet?
And Gwyneth rules.