The 19 Stages Of Applying Liquid Eyeliner

by Arielle Dachille
Fulvio De Filippi/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

It took me a good eight years to master the art of applying liquid eyeliner. It seems like it shouldn't take a person that long to learn how to correctly put on makeup, and I admit to being a bit sloppy by nature. Still, liquid eyeliner is nothing short of a beast to tangle with. Achieving the perfect cat eye is a tenuous balancing act that requires the steady hand of an assassin, the patience of a monk, and the spatial intelligence of an architect. The road to success is littered with smeared Q-tips and broken dreams, but when you get it right, the result is worth its weight in sublime confidence. A good liquid eyeliner job makes you feel like a walking makeup ad, wrapped in young Liz Taylor, stuffed with Beyoncé.

Getting there, however, is often not so glamorous. In the slapstick comedy that is your life, liquid eyeliner is just another opportunity for your imaginary audience to laugh at your hilarious fumbles. First you have to mentally prepare yourself. Then you need to make sure that your lines are not shaky. Then, after all that painstaking effort, you find out that your eyes aren't even. The kick in the pants is that you need to start all over again. So, without further ado, here are the emotional stages of applying liquid eyeliner...

Tonight is a war paint night... Game face: on!

Put on some music, this might take a while...

Anchor your dominant eyeliner-applying elbow, or it's smudge city.

You're feeling capable, feminine, and unstoppable.

Now, let's get a nice clean line...

Annnd, it's already uneven.

Wait, how did all that eyeliner make it to my lower lid?

Let's just make it a little thicker to balance out the shakiness ...

Must ... not ... blink ...

First eye, crushed it!

All right, I'm coming for you, other eye ...

Yep, that's my tear duct, and my eyeballs are black.

Guess I'm going to the club like this...

Can I hire someone to do this for me??

I should just give up!!

Quitters never win, kiddo. Plus, it's too late to turn back now.

Just a little bit of evening out on either side ...

DONE! You look like a damn model

Was it worth it? Hell yes!

Now, just get ready to wake up with all of it on your pillow. You're passing out like this, so you can wake up like this.

Image: Giphy (19)