What the First Day Back to School Is Like as Told by 'The Hills’

The end of summer gets nearer every day as the first day back to school creeps up. And as the last, warm hours of freedom slip us by, it's hard not to feel an overwhelming wave of devastating depression. Good bye, bikini; hello, binders. Farewell, perfect tan, I hardly knew ye. Oh hey, cute lifeguard I've been stalking for the past three months, guess where I'm headed? On a date with you? NO! I'm off to take tests and hate life.

In an effort to keep the thought of sitting through two-hour lectures and having to deal with the stench of your creepy TA's cafeteria lunchmeat breath at bay, we turned to something that never fails to put a smile on our face, or lift us up when we're feeling down. "A giant box of pizza?" you might be wondering? No, although that too would help dull this pain. Instead, I'm referring to The Hills, the seminal reality TV show that MTV introduced to the world as a spin-off to its equally good predecessor, Laguna Beach. Instead of dissolving into a pool of tears at the thought of navigating the campus of your new college or having to work on a group project, let Lauren, Heidi and Co. walk you through it.

8:00 a.m.

You roll over to hit your alarm clock that hasn't gone off before noon all summer, and realize that yes, school is truly back in session.

8:30 a.m.

You have to choose an outfit that says "Hey, remember me? I got really hot over the summer," even if all you did was sit on the couch and watch Game of Thrones all day, errday. Unfortunately one peek in your closet has you like, "Oh gawd."

10:00 a.m.

You finally make it to your first class and see that the outfit you thought was solid was a huge mistake.

And of course your friends are all like:

10:33 a.m.

Your professor randomly calls on you to answer a question during class since, of course, you were on your phone looking through pics from your beach vacay instead of paying attention. The struggle is real.

12:15 p.m.

YOU MADE IT TO LUNCH! You call Samantha, who you bonded with over an awful group project last year, to eat with you.

And you're like, Sam, please:

It's the start of a NEW year. Duh.

12:30 p.m.

And then you see him — the hottie from American Literature you were dying to hook up with last year. You try to approach him.

But then this happens:


12:45 p.m.

On the way to your next class you spot your psycho roommate from freshman year and make a run for it. Will this whole day be filled with unfortunate run-ins?!

1:00 p.m.

Back in class, your professor asks everyone if they did the reading. Yeah... No. There's a whole semester for that.

4:40 p.m.

You walk home from class with one of your roommates, and start talking about the coming night's festivities. Are you going to go out? Are you going to hook up? Is American Literature guy going to be there? Obviously it's too early for that. It's the first day of school, no need to get married!

8:00 p.m.

Pre-gaming has begun. You realize the drink your crazy, slightly unstable other roommate made you is made of 90 percent vodka instead of the two shots you asked for. Is she trying to kill you?

8:30 p.m.

You get a text from American Lit guy while you're getting ready. He's going to the same party you are. You don't get too excited though. He could just be looking for a friend!

Um, JK! You're over the freakin' moon.

10:00 p.m.

The pre-game has turned into the game, and it's time to forget the first day of school, and the rest of the coming year.

10:30 p.m.

Maybe you and American Lit might hit it off one of these days?

And maybe you'll actually attend all of your classes this year!

OK, OK. We won't push it. In the end, though, we know you're going to kick a whole bunch of ass, just like LC did at Teen Vogue. You got this!

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