With Taryn The Tinder Chicken, John Oliver Shows Russia Exactly What It's Missing
Russian President Vladimir Putin may have broken up with U.S. chicken, but like any self-respecting woman, U.S. chicken is not going to sit around and wait for Putin to call. With thighs like that? Not a chance. Nope, U.S. chicken is single and ready to mingle — with whoever has the right marinade. On Sunday night's episode of Last Week Tonight , John Oliver revealed Taryn, the Tinder chicken — a 29-year-old American chicken who joined the dating app after breaking up with the Russian market. If you happen to be into common domestic fowls, then swipe right and get to know Taryn a little better.
Last week, Putin issued a ban on food imports from the U.S. after it imposed sanctions on Russia, along with the EU, for supporting pro-Russia separatists in Ukraine. Now, according to the Associated Press, all American meat, fish, fruit, vegetables, milk, and milk products are getting the cold shoulder from Russia. Well, one product is not sitting around and sulking.
Oliver announced the news of the import ban on his show, highlighting chicken and soybeans as examples of rejected American foods. He made sure to emphasize, "Let's get one thing clear here: You break up with our chicken and soybeans, the relationship is over."
These two will gladly jump back into the dating scene, and they are free to "get right up in the mouth of whoever they want to." Oliver further embraced U.S. chicken's newly single status by promptly signing her up for Tinder.
According to her profile, Taryn is 29 (which most likely means her biological clock has started ticking), has a lot of dark meat "if that's your thing," and is DTC (down to cluck.) On weekends, she's out getting "basted" with her girlfriends.
If what Oliver says is true, this profile is actually out there, somewhere on Tinder. And as he so eloquently put, "Some pervert with a chicken fetish just hit the f***ing jackpot."
Apparently, one man has already chatted Taryn up, but made a grave mistake in his message.
But a Tinder profile is not going to make Russia jealous and full of regret over what it's done. Oliver went one step further and showed it exactly what it's missing.
"Don't look away, Russia! Because look who is single and ready to mingle."
Looks like Taryn's been hitting those Pilates classes more frequently now that she has more me time.
"Work that pole like a rotisserie, you dirty bird," Oliver cheers Taryn on. "Look but don't touch, Russia. You don't want this, remember? The party fowl is on the prowl."
"And for you vegetarians out there, we've got a little treat out here on the main stage. Edamame-oh-my!"
"Look at him, this bean is so hot, he's steaming himself."
You won't find soybeans on Tinder, however.
Images: Last Week Tonight With John Oliver/HBO