Mariah Carey's World Tour is Skipping the USA Because Apparently She Hates Us

WASHINGTON - JANUARY 20: Singer Mariah Carey performs at the Neighborhood Inaugural Ball at the Washington Convention Center on January 20, 2009 in Washington, DC. Obama became the first African-American to be elected to the office of President in the history of the United States. (Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images)
Source: Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News/Getty Images

There's a hero...if you look inside your heart — nope. Nope. There's not. Cut the song. Elusive Chanteuse that she is (her words, not mine), Mariah Carey's world tour is skipping the United States! Heartbreaker, you got the best of me! Yes, I'm quoting Mariah songs right now.

According to a press release on Carey's official website, The Elusive Chanteuse Show will be a world tour! Only, it's not exactly the world because it's skipping parts of the world. Anyhow, it says:

On the heels of her most critically acclaimed album of her career, “Me. I am Mariah… The Elusive Chanteuse,” best-selling female artist of all time Mariah Carey embarks on a world tour entitled “The Elusive Chanteuse Show.” This will be Mariah’s first reemergence to the stage since her celebrated and extensive “The Adventures of Mimi” tour in 2006. 

The Elusive Chanteuse Show will launch with two dates in Japan, a favorite stop for Carey, where she holds the title of the best selling international artist with over 20 million albums sold. 

The interjections are priceless here ("a favorite stop for Mariah!"). This press release reminds us that this tour is about givin' a chanteuse what she wants where she wants it (musically speaking). 

Mariah has also commented that she's really excited to premiere brand new songs, too:

 I want to experience the spontaneity and emotion that I put into this album on stage with my fan, [...] I can’t stop writing songs so don’t be surprised if you hear a brand new song that I just wrote the night before the show in your city!

It seems unfair for her to skip over the States, her homeland, but shame on me for thinking so nationalistically, I suppose.  And lest we forget — she. She is Mariah....the elusive chanteuse (or whatever else she almost named her album slash should have named her album). Meaning that she is the diva with the uber-voice who makes all executive decisions involving her tour. And who am I, then? I. I am Mallory Schlossberg....the elusive shower chanteuse...who will continue singing this oldie but goodie when I am alone in my apartment:

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