'Below Deck': Ben Doesn't Put A "Hex On The Beach" But He Does Bake Cookies In The Middle Of The Night

Monday night's episode of Below Deck picked up where last week's episode left off: Andrew's porthole disaster (LOLOLOL look at me go with the poop jokes right off the bat). It quickly segued into Kelley and Jennice getting their flirt on (cue Eddie's exasperated sigh on repeat), and then followed the crew around as they prepared the beach picnic for charter guests Georgia and Co. Everybody went to the beach picnic... except Ben. He'd prepped the food. His work was done. He neither wanted nor needed to go to the beach.

When Kate asked why Ben would rather stay on the yacht than join the crew and the charter guests out on the beach, Ben said, "I hate the beach." CLASSIC BEN.

It's probably for the best Ben didn't go to the beach. The sun would've depleted his energy and he would've been waaaaaaay too tuckered out to handle the crisis that would strike later that evening.

A crisis? Yes, a CRISIS. That night, after the charter guests scarfed down what seemed to be a boozetastic dinner, Andrew was asked to wake up Ben. Why? Was there an emergency?!?! Um, yeah. A LATE NIGHT SNAAAACK TIIIIIME EMERGENCY. One of the charter guests wanted chocolate chip cookies before he hit the hay.

Andrew was nervous about disturbing Ben’s slumber, but Ben was totally cool about the request. Late-night cookie baking comes with the territory of being a chef on a chartered yacht. Ben gets it.

If I was Ben, I would be like, “UGHHHHH, I’M SLEEPING. UGHHHHHH, GO AWAY." If Andrew wouldn't go away, I'd throw the bag of Chips Ahoy! cookies I kept next to my bunk at him and say, "UGHHHHHH, TAKE THESE." If Andrew then told me the that Chips Ahoy! would not do because the charter guest specifically requested freshly baked cookies, I would tell him to stick the Chips Ahoy! cookies in the toaster oven for 20 seconds. And then, I'd fall back asleep.

"Sssorry, Andrahn," I'd yawn-mumble as I hopped on the next train to Dreamland. "Yuhr ahhhhn yuh ohhhhn."

On the flip side: If I was a charter guest on the Ohana, I’d demand freshly baked cookies be delivered to my room every goddamned night. Chocolate chip, peanut butter, snickerdoodle, ginger snaps, white chocolate chip, chocolate chocolate chip, you name it. I'd be ordering all of the cookies before bed. I didn't know that was part of the yacht deal! WHAT A DREAM. That charter guest knows what's up.

Images: Bravo; sinascheeeen/tumlr