Justin Bieber’s mustache, also known as the teeny barely-there hairs occupying his upper lip, finally kicked the bucket Wednesday night. Reportedly, the death occurred at its home on Justin Bieber’s lip in a fancy-looking bathroom. The mustache was at least five months old — by my guess, at least. Time of death is unknown and while the "Baby" singer posted an Instagram video of the mustache’s final moments, the clip stops short of exactly what happened. Did Justin Bieber shave his mustache off himself? Did the mustache run for freedom, tired of Bieber’s tyrannical attempts to be hip and relevant? Did the mustache want someone better?
An investigation is not underway, because the final shot of the video has Bieber holding a razor close to his shaving cream covered cheek, even saying "RIP 'stache," and you don’t have to be an NCIS fan to put two and two together. Later that day, the Canadian posted a photo of himself in the same bathroom; his face hairless. He posted another photo before heading out for the night. His face remained hairless.
No word yet on Bieber’s accomplice who stood nearby as the singer prepped his face for shaving. Bieber continued to ask whether his method of mustache removal was correct as his accomplice agreed, even giving a thumbs up at one point. His mustache hasn’t been seen since. Then again, no one really saw it when it was there either, so maybe it wasn’t a total loss.
Bieber’s teeny mustache was known for giving the singer a drop of manliness, his face some texture, and possibly a hint that he was older than 15. The mustache had no significant other, though his next of kin was Bieber's chin hairs, which come to think of it are also gone.
Earlier Wednesday, Bieber posted a photo of his beard on Instagram, saying "beard game strong lol," just hours before his mustache went to that big bathroom sink in the sky.
In the final words of the singer himself, "RIP 'stache." I hardly saw you, but I'm sure Bieber will miss you when someone inevitably mistakes him for 12 again.
Image: Justin Bieber/Instagram