Donald Trump, Please Stop Tweeting

by Abby Johnston

ATTENTION, EVERYONE: The doctors are lying to Donald Trump and all of us about vaccinations! BUT ESPECIALLY TO TRUMP. Luckily for all of us, the aforementioned billionaire is apparently being "proven right" about the lies of those silly medical professionals, and soon we will be able to save the future generations.

Not sure what I'm talking about? Honestly, me neither, but we do know that Trump is back at it again. He posted two unprompted (as far as I can tell) tweets Wednesday morning decrying massive vaccinations in children. He has been a longstanding opponent of vaccinations, indicating on more than one occasion that he believes that they will give children autism. All of this in spite of the fact that doctors have proved that there is absolutely not a link between autism and vaccinations. At all.

It is unclear why Trump picked Wednesday a.m. to reignite his cause célèbre, but, then again, why does Donald Trump do anything that he has ever done? Because he can. Free speech dictates that we must let him do these things, in fact. So we're here to listen to very rich people say really dumb things because they are rich and have a platform to do so.

Keep in mind this is a man who also used his Twitter feed to suggest that we bar doctors treating Ebola from reentering the United States, saying that people who go to help must "suffer the consequences." And just in case you were wondering what the wise Trump was tweeting immediately before he decided to weigh in on the issue:

Ah! Yes. Another very important issue for Donald Trump: making Donald Trump more money! Perhaps you could join him on the course for him to yell at you about why everyone (except him) is wrong about everything, while you stare at his hair and wonder how the hell it isn't a toupée.