When Can Men Wear Shorts? All The Time, IMHO, But Apparently Some People Think Otherwise
Call me crazy, but I just don't think men wearing shorts is all that controversial — yes, even short shorts. When it's hot as balls out, no one should be required to wear pants. Telling an entire gender to steer clear of shorts for some unknown reason seems absurd to me, but apparently a lot of people disagree. That includes Andrew Exum, a foreign policy analyst who tweeted a "helpful" flowchart called "Should I Wear Shorts in Public Today" republished by Vox.
For all you bottoms-challenged men out there, Exum wants you to know that there are only four acceptable reasons to wear shorts outside 1. You are under the age of 12, 2. You are at the beach, 3. You are playing shorts, 4. You are in North Africa helping the British defeat Erwin Rommel. In other words, "hot as balls out" is not an okay excuse, so put some pants on you hairy monster.
If the rest of this article is gibberish, its because I just can't stop rolling my eyes at the idea that men wearing shorts is such an affront to society that we need to make sarcastic flowcharts about the issue. There are plenty of men's fashion trends that are abhorrent. Bucket hats, for instance. But shorts? Someone please explain to me why we care, because I have never once been offended by the sight of a guy's knees in public.
Menswear options tend to be pretty limited, especially in the summertime. I mean, have you ever seen a bunch of corporate suits wearing, well, suits on a 95 degree day in Midtown Manhattan? I'm sweating just thinking about it. Wouldn't it be nice if we stopped shorts-shaming dudes and allowed them to embrace the leg-baring style in peace? Certainly there are fashion crimes far more worthy of ridicule. As long as you aren't wearing shiny basketball shorts to brunch, it's all good.