This Is Why The Barista Misspells Your Name

It seems that the universal excitement over the return of the Starbucks pumpkin spice latte can only be tempered by one thing: The fact that it is damn near impossible for the baristas at your beloved coffee mega-chain to correctly spell the names of its customers. How are you supposed to obtain your venti soy PSL in the timeliest of manners when you didn't know that the "Gessika"-labeled cardboard cup was meant for you? Your name is Elizabeth, forchrissake. As a very rare patron of Starbucks (due to the fact that espresso affects me like it's PCP), even I can recall several instances in which my super-recognizable name was turned into "July." Which begs the question, is anyone on earth named July?

Maybe it's because your barista (and every barista ever?) only has a basic working knowledge of the English language. More likely? It's because your barista is totally fucking with you. In a video posted to YouTube by comedian Paul Gale, we see what is likely going through the mind of your trusty macchiato magician. Hey, if I had to deal with caffeine-hungry crowds on a daily basis, I might find some sinister ways to entertain myself too.