Ever wondered what would go great with your mink coat, gold tiara and diamond shoes (yah, me too)? The Falcon luxury iPhone 6 line, of course — sets starting at a reasonable $2 million. These bad boys are classy*, beautiful**, and well worth your money***. Order your exclusive, only-99-other-people-have-it Falcon iPhone 6 today. And then wait ten weeks while it's custom made for you (it's okay, you can use the $4,500 gold iPhone as a placeholder).
Let's talk low-end first. At the bottom of the Falcon barrel is the Alibaba (available in Platinum, 24-karat gold, or rose gold). It's your basic, simple model — you know, 128GB, 4.7" screen, and, oh yah, a MASSIVE TOPAZ STONE on the back. For a cool $2 million, you could use your iPhone to help you play Princess-Jasmine-meets-the-21st-century, or potentially stab your own/someone else's ear. The phone comes with only standard Apple headphones, though, so it might be worth shelling out the $300,000 for a pair of matching Falcon ones instead.
But, let's face it, if you're gonna go Falcon, you've gotta go big. Why settle for the measly Alibaba, when you could go Supernova? For only $46.5 million more, you could take home an iPhone 6 with a giant pink diamond on the back. Again, that's for 168GB (who needs memory? All of my pictures are taken/carried by my band of obedient minions, anyway), and only standard Apple headphones.
But it's a diamond. I mean, c'mon. Have a look at it close up:
So, what is this company and where has it been all your life? Surprisingly, Falcon is based in our very own New York City. It's a luxury retailer, catering to "celebreties [sic], royalty and heads of state" (it does not, it appears, hire spell-checkers). The company "uses rare metals including 24K gold and 950 platinum, collector grade precious gemstones, and premium leathers, fabrics, and furs on Apple devices and accessories." Only 100 are made for each series, in order to "ensure the rarity and collectibility of the device," and it takes 10-12 weeks for your custom-made device to be completed and delivered to your door.
Of course, the Falcon experience is about more than just a phone: it comes with exclusive perks, like a 24-hour "concierge service" that provides "worldwide assistance" and recommendations" (it's unclear whether these are necessarily phone-related. Can you call them for a good steakhouse reference?). As the website says: "Why settle for a proprietary platform to communicate luxuriously?"
Actually, the most attractive feature is the phone's security. The company explains:
We have partnered with the world's most advanced privacy company to deliver secure communications that evade electronic surveillance, logging and collection of their voice, video and text transmissions.
No explanation on exactly how they manage to do that, but hey: it's Falcon. 'Nuff said.
Now excuse me while I get into my gold Ferrari and drive to my crystal palace.
*** One phone could save/feed/clothe a third world country.
Images: Falcon Luxury iPhone