Every time Fox News does something kind of right, it does something so, so, so wrong to make up for it. On Wednesday, Kimberly Guilfoyle, a co-host of Fox News' The Five ran a segment on Major Mariam Al Mansouri, who made United Arab Emirates history by becoming the first female fighter pilot to fly a mission for the country. Hooray Major Al Mansouri! Hooray Fox News! But not so fast. Women's empowerment has never been popular at Fox, and someone was bound to ruin the moment. Happy to oblige, co-host Eric Bolling called Al Mansouri "boobs on the ground" in response to another host's remark that the pilot "couldn't park" the jet after bombing ISIS fighters in Syria. Congratulations, Fox News. A+ for you in female anatomy. F in good humor.
In what I can only assume was an attempted riff of "boots on the ground," Bolling decided to ignore the incredible achievement that is female participation in military action in the UAE, and to instead focus on the fact that women, surprise surprise, have breasts. But so much about his joke just didn't make sense that it's almost difficult to be offended — I mean, seriously, how mad can you get at plain stupid? Let's break down this whole "boobs on the ground" fiasco, and take a look at just how dumb Fox News men can really get.
Right before Bolling made his joke, Greg Gutfeld, another one of the dynamic members of The Five, said, "The problem is, after she bombed it, she couldn't park it." That, in and of itself, was a bad enough joke. You don't park a fighter jet. You land a fighter jet. Duh.
Also, just for the record, a 2012 study conducted by 4autoinsurancequote determined that men are actually much worse drivers than women. In fact, the study found that "80 percent of all fatal and serious car crashes are caused by male drivers," and that "women are 27 percent less likely than men to cause auto accidents." James Shaffer, CEO of the online insurance group, put it best,
It's almost scary how bad the average American man is at driving. Blame it on whatever you want - high testosterone, higher propensity to take risks, or higher levels of aggression, but the fact remains - men simply make too many mistakes behind the wheel.
So there, Mr. Gutfeld. Women aren't bad drivers, and they're certainly not worse than men.
But I digress — Gutfeld isn't the real culprit here. He simply made the joke that spawned an even worse joke by Bolling, who followed up with, "Would that be considered boobs on the ground?"
Wait, what? Seriously, what? How does that follow? Was that a total non-sequitur? You have to warn us before you change the subject like that, Bolling! Our minds just don't work fast enough for your jokes!
The joke itself
It took me a really long time to figure out that "boobs on the ground" was a bad pun for "boots on the ground." Probably because I couldn't believe that grown men could possibly be that base and disrespectful. The basis of the joke, literally, is "LOL women have breasts." Or better yet, "LOL boobs kinda sounds like boots."
Do you think Bolling still laughs when people talk about their "duties?" Or worse yet, Uranus?
Pilots don't fight on the ground
She's a pilot, Bolling. Not a member of the UAE army. So really, if we're getting technical, it should be boobs in the air.
When are boobs ever on the ground?
Boots on the ground makes sense. Because, you know, they actually touch the ground. My boobs almost never touch the ground. Gravity hasn't been that cruel (or strong) yet. Seriously, I'm still so confused.
In a surprisingly progressive move for Fox, two out of the five anchors for The Five are actually women. And unsurprisingly, neither Kimberly Guilfoyle nor Andrea Tantaro were particularly amused or pleased by the string of jokes that followed the otherwise inspiring story.
After Gutfeld's first joke, Guilfoyle is clearly heard saying, "Now did you really have to ruin my —" before she is interrupted (because why not interrupt a woman) by Bolling. Tantaro is equally horrified, managing only a shocked "Oh..." after Gutfeld's quip, and leaving her mouth agape as Bolling makes his pun. Of course, Tantaro then asks Gufeld, "Would you give her a firm salute?" Face, meet palm.
Poor Guilfoyle, obviously distressed, puts her head in her hand, and sighs, "Oh my God. Why are they are ruining my thing?"
Even Bob Beckel, anchor number five, is a bit mortified, asking his two male cohorts, "Did you just say what I thought you said?"
Other female members of the Fox News team took issue with Gutfeld and Bolling's jokes as well. On her own show later that evening, Greta Van Susteren rolled the tape on the segment, and asked her viewers, "Do you think the gents on ‘The Five’ should get a do-over on that one?"
Yes, Greta. Yes we do.
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