Coffee: It's one of the only drugs that's legal to consume. It's an addiction, to be sure, and it's a multi-billion dollar industry. We drink coffee the way we eat and sleep — as a necessity for survival. It fuels us, both physically and mentally, to get out of bed. It compels us to get on the train to get to work in the morning, and it urges us to stay up just one more hour to finish that last minute essay. For many, coffee is our biggest champion.
Gilmore Girls' Lorelai said it best when she uttered: "Oh I cant stop drinking the coffee, I stop drinking the coffee, I stop doing the standing and walking and the words putting into sentence doing." And in many ways, the pop-culture savvy character is right: Without coffee, we'd be without a morning routine, we'd be lacking in motivation and our internal systems would be a wreck. So let's give a big cheers to the classic cup o' Joe! Whether you like your cream and sugar with a splash of coffee, or you prefer the gritty bottom of an endless black cup, there's a coffee-loving spirt animal in all of us. Who's yours?
How many cups a day do you drink on average?
A) Two. One in the morning on your commute to work and another when you get to work. It's a routine that keeps you ground(ha!)ed.
B) You lost count after four. Five! You lost count after five.
C) You don't drink "cups" of coffee per say, you pound espresso shots like an overly excited frat boy.
D) You just like to smell the fresh grounds, because coffee doesn't taste half as good as it smells.
E) One cup. No exceptions. No one needs more than one cup of coffee a day — anything else is just comical, and wasteful.
What word describes your ideal cup?
Do you indulge in seasonal flavors?
A) Starbucks is your favorite coffee shop, so you'll try the new seasonal flavors but usually end up ordering your usual, which the barista knows by heart.
B) No. You like your coffee by the gallon, and ordering mass quantities of Pumpkin Spice Lattes would get too damn expensive.
C) Sure! Why not? You'll try anything as long as it's caffeinated.
D) You dabbled in being a barista yourself, so it's more fun to try your own mixology on a cup. A pinch of chocolate powder, some whipped cream...
What was your college major?
C) You were voted "Class Clown" — wait, what was the question?
D) College? You tried that for a semester.
What do you eat with your coffee?
A) A muffin, maybe a scone or a granola bar, something light.
B) What do you not eat? Pancakes, eggs, a hamburger, it all goes with coffee!
C) Fancy pastries. And more coffee.
D) A yogurt parfait.
E) Eggs and dry toast.
What's your hobby/preferred after work activity?
A) Reading, writing, spending time with yourself on your computer. General musing.
B) Going to the movies, you're a huge cinephile.
C) Singing, Dancing, turning strangers into friends.
D) Shopping, spending time with your girlfriends.
E) Nothing. Doing absolutely nothing. And stand-up comedy, you like that too.
What's your favorite book?
A) Children's books. Ballet shoes is a favorite.
B) All the classics — but read ironically.
C) Alice in Wonderland.
E) You don't read books, you write them (or attempt to).
Your friends describe you as:
A) Well-groomed, preppy, intelligent.
B) Quick-witted, stubborn.
D) Bubbly, fun, the life of the party.
E) Sarcastic, dry, maybe a bit whiney, but hilarious.
Mostly A's: Kathleen Kelly
Like You've Got Mail's adorkable protagonist, you love the fall in New York City, you love romantic gestures and reading. You're an eternal optimist who is both sophisticated and motivated by routine. Your secret pen pal, Joe Fox, said it best: ""The purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Tall. Decaf. Cappuccino."
Mostly B's: Lorelai Gilmore
Like Gilmore Girls' Lorelai Gilmore, coffee is your way of life. Your passion for pop culture references, your daughter Rory and Luke's diner comes second to your admiration for liquid caffeine. You exist with a paper cup and cardboard sleeve glued to your right hand, and without coffee in your system, you're a monster. Coffee first, existing in the social world, later.
Mostly C's: Mad Hatter
Your friends think you're crazy, and even without caffeine permitting your nervous system, you'd still be a bit on edge. But you're really just a supremely friendly person who loves going the extra mile, and an extra cup of coffee gives you that motivation. Drink on, friend!
Mostly D's: Rachel Green
While you might work in the coffee business, like Rachel Green at Central Perk, you don't necessarily love the java. You love the atmosphere of people who sit at coffee houses, and you love being surrounded by upbeat, happy folk, like yourself! You do indulge in the occasional cup, but it's usually a three-word order, at minimum, and tastes less like coffee and more like delicious sweetness!
Mostly E's: Jerry Seinfeld
Coffee is a necessity, to be certain, but it's nothing to jump and down over. Like taking medication or shaving your face, you drink coffee because it fuels you and is the socially acceptable thing to do. And like your constant jokes, coffee never goes out of style.
Images: CW; Tumblr; Giphy; Gifsoup