Celine Dion Has a New Album & This is Why You Should Care (Presented In Gifs, Of Course)
While you were busy wondering whether Katy Perry's new song would do better than Lady Gaga's and whether Mylie Cyrus's VMA performance would lead to increased album sales, something big, something better, was brewing in the background. Like one of her ballads that crescendos into an unforgettable bellow, Celine Dion's been preparing a new album behind your turned back. Yes, that's right. Celine Dion. Ring any bells?? Even though you've totally forgotten about her, she's shared a tease for her new song "Loved Me Back to Life", which premieres Sept. 3 on iTunes, because she knows, like I do, that deep down you still care.
But still, you should feel ashamed of yourself. This whole time you've been ignoring the Queen C. and have allowed yourself to become distracted by new-money pop stars and their stupid, silly, worthless antics. You've lost touch of your roots, and it's time you recognize that our chest-pounding, French-accent having, hit-making leader is back. Her first English-language album in six years, "Loved Me Back To Life" becomes available on Nov. 5. and I, for one, am disgusted this is the first you're hearing of it.
Because if you're not paying attention to the woman who's brought us such perfection as "The Power of Love", "It's All Coming Back to Me Now", and inimitable quotes like, "I have records in gold, in platinum, I have two Oscars, I have Grammys and so on," what are you doing? What?
Her music has gotten you through breakups, has helped you bond with your mother, and may or may not have pumped you up before soccer games, and this is how you treat the world's greatest singer? WAKE UP.
But I get it. Who am I to tell you to respect the greatest vocal talent our generation will ever know? Fine. Don't listen to me. Listen to her. You want some Celinespiration? You got it.
When I heard about Celine's new album, I was all like:
And when I heard that you were more excited about Bangerz, I was like:
Then when you mentioned ARTPOP, I was like:
And then, when you mentioned Prism, I was like:
When you had the gall to ask me if I was offended by your lack of Celine awareness, I was like:
But I can see that you're coming around.
You're starting to realize you've made a huge mistake ignoring our Celine.
It's true. I mean, you totally did.
But it's OK. Now that you're sufficiently sorry, please, join us aboard the Celine mothership.
I knew it'd only be a matter of time until you saw the err in your ways.
So come on! Let's party.
I'm so happy you've seen the light. I'm overjoyed that all Celine's hard work, and mine, has convinced you. All she and I have left to say is: