Watch John Oliver Tear Pumpkin Spice Lattes To Shreds, And All Your Fall Hopes & Dreams With It — VIDEO

Like flip-flops are to summer, and pointy ears are to Comic-Con, pumpkin spice has become the official symbol of fall. Come September, suddenly everything is pumpkin-scented — candles, fragrances, random babies you pass by. And then there's that ubiquitous drink — you know the one. The second you feel that first cool breeze, a Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte magically appears in your hand. But why? On Sunday's episode of Last Week Tonight, our favorite sleuth, John Oliver, investigated all things pumpkin, pointing out that Americans seem to blindly jump on the pumpkin wagon every autumn for reasons unclear.

I mean, nobody is knocking the good old pumpkin. As far as history can tell, it's never done anyone harm. But what is the strange psychological phenomenon that occurs every autumn that drives people out to Starbucks in droves like the chain's giving out free health care? Actually, that would probably have a milder effect. Whatever it is, John Oliver has had enough. Anytime the general population collectively gets that excited over something, you know that the toppling of civilization is right around the corner. As Oliver firmly says, "I will be subject to its tyranny no longer! It stops here!"

Luckily for America, if our people are indeed subconsciously participating in the largest cult in our history, one whose origins have not been proven — how do we know Putin's not involved? We don't! — then Oliver is here to open a full investigation. And maybe start a war. Take a look at his probing questions and insightful comments. Ever the wise one, that J.O.

Pumpkin Spice Lattes, Because Fall

Oliver points out that the pumpkin trend is seen most in the sudden change of our coffee routines, which happens like clockwork once fall rolls around.

No, But Really — Did Yankee Candle Invent This Stuff?

Pumpkin Spice Is a Total Poser

What's really infuriating about all this is that pumpkin spice has just been fronting this whole time.

Yet, Somehow, Americans Eat a Ton of It Every Year

Oliver shares some alarming statistics: Americans eat over five pounds of pumpkin per person every year. What?!

Speaking of Pumpkin Pies...

It's not even that good.

And the fact that we somehow consume that much of it on average is unimaginable. Oliver compares it to the spider theory, but at least that one makes sense because we're unconscious when it happens. How and when did all that pumpkin get inside of us?

It's All the Rage and Then It's Forgotten, Like The Jersey Shore

Why don't people ever crave pumpkin in the spring? What would happen if you brought pumpkin pie to a Memorial Day BBQ? These are the kinds of questions we should be asking ourselves.

According to Oliver, it just has that intangible fallness to it. And that's why it's so popular.

But If That's the Case, Then...

Why not drink hay soda instead? Or some of Oliver's suggested latte alternatives.

The bottom line?

Watch the entire video below.

LastWeekTonight on YouTube

Images: Last Week Tonight With John Oliver/YouTube