Craigslist Ad "Escape The Ebola Apocalypse With Me" Is Exactly As Hilarious & Terrifying As It Sounds

All the nonstop Ebola talk and coverage has created a sense that, maybe, possibly, it's the end of the world. (It's not. Not even slightly.) But now that the disease is on a couple of continents, is threatening an outbreak of pandemic proportions, and has killed more than 4,000 people in West Africa, it's not totally unreasonable that people have begun throwing around the word apocalypse. Well, your worries are over — if you're female, that is — because this Boston man has built an Ebola-proof shelter for one lucky gal to survive the end times together, and he's accepting applicants via, what else, Craigslist. Swoon.

In a post titled "Escape the Apocalypse With Me," our knight in shining armor paints a pretty grim future, in which humanity "succumbs to this modern day plague" and the only way to save it is to hunker down with him for 10 to 15 years, procreating away in his underground bunker. It's an offer you'd be crazy not to take, especially considering his knack for carpentry and survival could make him some kind of combination between Tim Allen and Bear Grylls.

He lists his stats as 36 years old, 6'2", average body type, and single. Besides the average body type, he could totally be the modern-day Paul Bunyan we need to single-handedly take on this deadly disease. Or not, but those bunk beds do look pretty sweet.

"Don't Wait For It to Be Too Late"

Our hero certainly doesn't have high hopes for the future. He warns:

Ebola is about to break loose in America. It's already in Dallas and Atlanta. Boston will be its next stop I am sure and soon airplanes, taxis, and the T will not be safe.

But with his keen foresight, he started preparing for this event 10 years ago in the mountains of Vermont and built "a hidden sustainable bug out shelter well off the grid and completely self sufficient." All he needs now is a baby-making partner to sustain the human race.

Only Fertile Females Need Apply

He has two weeks to find the perfect mate, who should either bring her own kids or be willing to produce new ones (guess that's why there are four bunk beds).

If you already have children and wish to bring them then I think that is a good idea, and if not that is fine too. I request that you are fertile and able to bear at least three children with me should we find ourselves in a situation where a decade or more passes before it is safe to emerge.

Oh, and one more thing: "small arms experience or hunting experience" are a huge plus.

Take All Necessary Precautions

Besides building an Ebola-proof shelter off the grid and somewhere in the Vermont mountainside, the guy has also transferred all of his life savings into gold, and he recommends you do the same, even if you don't hunker down with him. Why?

It is almost certain that even if humanity doesn't crumble that at the very least our monetary system and possibly our government will.

I would love to see the look on his face when all this Ebola stuff blows over and he's stuck with a pile of gold. Ha! Wait, this Ebola stuff will blow over, won't it? Let me see that listing again...

Ebola is about to break loose in America. It's already in Dallas and Atlanta. Boston will be its next stop I am sure and soon airplanes, taxis, and the T will not be safe. Don't wait for it to be too late. I have been prepping for about 10 years in the Vermont mountains and have a hidden sustainable bug out shelter well off the grid and completely self sufficient. I only fear that by going there now, alone, I will emerge in 10-15 years to find humanity has succumbed to this modern day plague and I will have no way to keep the species going. I plan to wait no longer than 2 weeks to head out. I have enclosed some pictures of my shelter so you can see this is for real and it is not going to be completely rustic. If you already have children and wish to bring them then I think that is a good idea, and if not that is fine too. I request that you are fertile and able to bear at least three children with me should we find ourselves in a situation where a decade or more passes before it is safe to emerge. If you have small arms experience or hunting experience that is a big plus. I have already transferred my life savings into gold and I recommend you do the same even if you choose not to respond or try to survive with me. It is almost certain that even if humanity doesn't crumble that at the very least our monetary system and possibly our government will. This could be the best decision you ever make in your life. Choose adventure and take control of your destiny instead of waiting and hoping that the government will fix this for you. I await your message.

Images: Craigslist