Artisanal Ice Cubes? Seriously?

by Abby Johnston

Ice. It will start freezing my car door shut in the next few months. Many people like to put it in drinks. It is the scientific phenomenon of water solidifying into a solid mass. And apparently it's something that we are all taking for granted, because a new D.C. restaurant will begin charging extra for artisanal ice cubes in its cocktails.

You are almost certainly thinking: What the hell is artisanal ice? Well, it's made from purified water and custom cut to melt slow. D.C. actually has a boutique ice company, Favourite Ice, where Second State will order its $1 ice cubes from.

No, I'm just kidding. Unfortunately not about the extra charge, that's 100 percent true. But the part about taking ice for granted. It's ice, people. In many super modern homes it even comes out of your refrigerator doors! MY GOD, SCIENCE KNOWS NO BOUNDS. But, you see, D.C. has improved upon this gift to man by creating artisanal ice. So when the Philadelphia-themed farm-to-table restaurant Second State opens its doors, you will either need to fork up an extra $1 or have an ice-less cocktail.

Okay, let's let one of the experts try their sales pitch on this. Phil Clark, the bar manager at Second State, told Washington City Paper:

It's worth it. When it goes into a cocktail, it's crystal clear. It's purified water, so there's no minerally taste.

I'm going to need to know a little bit more about what "purified water" actually means. I've got a Brita filter at home, okay? If you're going to charge me hard-earned money for FROZEN WATER, I'm expecting that you've hiked that down from a mountaintop untouched by civilization.

Pablo Blazquez Dominguez/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Apparently, Second State isn't the first DC establishment to take up this artisanal ice thing. Washington City Paper talked to several passionate proponents of hand-carved ice, including Juan Coronado, a "cocktail innovator" at Barmini:

Ice is the soul of a cocktail. You have your spirits, you have your ingredients — your organs, basically, in a body — that give shape and texture and aroma and flavor to the cocktail. But without ice, you have nothing.

I dunno. Last weekend I had a Red Bull, Jager, and absolutely no ice at the house, and I did just fine for myself, thank you very much.

I can't imagine what these aficionados will do when ice literally starts falling from the sky this winter. Do you think that cuts in on their profits?

Images: Getty Images