Taylor Swift has never been more popular than she is right now and she was pretty popular already. Between spending a year hanging out with a collection of the coolest friends the world has ever seen to debuting her upcoming album 1989 which is a complete departure from any album she's done before to talking at length about her feminist awakening, Swift has essentially transformed into the kind of person that we all want to be or be best friends with. She makes cookies in an apron and named her cat Olivia Benson, you guys. However, there is such a thing as taking your Swift obsession too far. Like, for example, a bunch of Swift fans bought a song that was 8 seconds of static because it had her name on it.
Okay, to be fair to those Canadian fans, they didn't know that the song was just white noise until it downloaded and started playing. It just seemed like the latest Swift release and thus they were doing their part by catapulting it to number one on the iTunes charts. However, it turns out that the track was released by mistake and also was not really a track at all — but it's still number one, because we have taken our fan obsession to a new level.
In case you're wondering if you need a Swiftervention, here are 11 signs that you are the world's biggest fan of Taylor Swift.
1. You know she's secretly Becky.
If you don't know why she's Becky, then I'm not going to explain it to you. CLEARLY you are not a True Fan. I mean, or you could Google it.
2. You buy every cat sweater you see.
There is no such thing as an ugly cat sweater. There's no such thing as too many cat sweaters. In fact, you're coming up with ways to transform your cat sweater into a cute dress that you can continue to wear in the summertime.
3. You buy every cat you see.
Sometimes you don't even buy them. Sometimes you just pick up strays off the street because every cat needs a home and you are forming your own Olivia Benson army.
4. You stay up until midnight to download her new song even though you work in the morning.
This is why man invented coffee, so they wouldn't feel like a zombie having to work an eight hour shift after listening to the latest Swift release all night long.
5. You bought a Polaroid camera you can't even use.
Who even uses Polaroid cameras anymore? How are you supposed to upload this picture to Instagram? But, hey, 1989 is all about the Polaroids and you will not be left out. You will learn how to use this strange not-digital camera... somehow.
6. You're thinking of moving to New York.
You were already sort of thinking about it, but Swift made it sound like the most magical place on earth and you can't listen to "Welcome to New York" without feeling pangs of longing. What might those bright lights hold for you?
7. You're actually moving to New York.
Everything's in storage and your bags are packed and you're ready to go with "Welcome to New York" playing in the background. Buh-bye.
8. You stopped hating Harry Styles after "Out of the Woods".
Whatever you may have thought about Haylor while it was happening, it's clear from "Out of the Woods" that Swift holds no hard feelings toward him and is perhaps a little wistful about the relationship. You know, if he's the subject of the song. If he's not, then you still hate him for the Haylor break up whether it was his fault or not.
9. You started hating Harry Styles after "Out of the Woods".
I mean, really, how dare he hit the breaks too soon and force her to need twenty stitches in a hospital room? HOW DARE HE?
10. You can do the "Shake It Off" dances... in public.
If you're not willing to dance in public and let the haters hate hate hate hate hate, then are you a True Fan? (Yes, you are, because Swift loves all her fans.)
11. You bought eight seconds of white noise because it had her name on it.
Canadian fans have us beat in the Obsessive Fan Category... for now.