8 Annoying Things That All Sarcastic People Have To Deal With
Since I can remember, I've been quietly obsessed with making other people laugh. If, at the age of 8, someone had tried to describe what an orgasm felt like (and yes, thank god no one did), I would have responded with all sincerity: "Ohhh, like making people laugh?" Which is to say, I love to be funny. I love funny people. And of all the ways to be funny, I think sarcasm is greatest. Great, but also absolutely more than a little problematic at times. Any sarcastic person knows that this most wonderful of comedic vehicles takes as much as it gives.
In high school, because I wear glasses and have a deep voice (also at the time I deeply, deeply loved wearing Doc Martens with my skirts), I was often called Daria. I am probably less sarcastic now than I was as a youth, but it definitely hasn't gone away. I just employ other comedic tactics like absurdism: Penguins on an office chair crying. See? Kind of funny, right? Fine, you don't get it. Which is something sarcastic people deal with frequently.
For whatever reason, being constantly sarcastic and dry and witty isn't the norm. Sometimes it can actually cause problems to crop up, turning your cool-as-a-cuke comedic endeavors into a pit of social awkwardness. Here are 8 such struggles every sarcastic person out there would surely understand:
1. People Think You're Quiet
There are different ways of being funny. If your way of being funny doesn't involve hitting people in the face with pies or loudly finishing the sentences of others with "...that's what she said", you can still be very funny and very sarcastic. Many have made the mistake of thinking I am quiet and shy and not a humorous person. Verily, the truth: They learned it.
2. People Think You're Serious
You're at a bar after hours with co-workers and someone won't stop talking about Kale. They are all, "Kale chips, yum!" and "Kale is the hottest superfood right now!" and then you say (between shots) "Oh yeah, totally. Kale man. That shit is awesome." You thought you were being obviously sarcastic. But Captain kale thinks they've just made a new bestie. Smooth move.
3. People Think You're an Asshole
My best friend is texting me about our weekend plans. Phase one of this plan involves her picking me up at 7:15. In the morning. On a Saturday. She texted me: "Is that okay?" To which I responded, like any normal person, "That is absolutely not okay." I quickly followed up by explaining that I was kidding. Because sometimes even the best sarcasm needs a follow up lest you be thought a giant asshole.
4. Accidentally Committing to Plans That You Sarcastically Said You Wanted To Do
"Oh yeah, I looooooove lectures on the ethical ramifications of throwing away my old Uggs, that is EXACTLY how I want to spend my Sunday." You can't be pissed now that you find yourself in this very, very empty lecture hall. Because you DID say you'd love to be there. Careful sarcastic princess, or this could be you.
5. When You're Not Sarcastic And No One Believes You
"You look great!" you tell a friend who has just gotten a haircut. This friend begins to cry because they think you are being sarcastic because you are always sarcastic. You might actually be better off proclaiming that she looks terrible – stick with what works, friends.
6. The Awkwardness of Explaining a Joke
You know what's worse than telling a joke and no one laughing at it? Proceeding to explain why that joke was funny to everyone present. Nothing is more awkward than a joke falling flat on its face and then being quietly and summarily pulled apart. It's like literally beating a dead horse. No, but actually: Wailing on the corpse of a horse that is no longer living.
7. Meeting Other Sarcastic People
It's like a face-off at high noon in the old west! Do you try to match their sarcasm? Go toe to toe? Do you try to cool it and let them be the group's Chandler? Or, do you whip out the big guns and make this a Sarcasm-Off? Either way, it's ridiculous and lame. Not that that's stopping you from picking one option.
8. Non-Sarcastic Humor
I have friends who love corny jokes. "What kind of drugs do ducks take?" they will ask. I will shrug because no, I don't know what kind of drugs they take, and I don't care at all. "Quack!" they will respond before devolving into giggles, a response which they will then expect you to mirror. I know I should try appreciate these earnest and goofy endeavors, but as a sarcastic person it is damn challenging.
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