6 Specific Types Of Horrible Guys No One Should Ever Have Sex With
Look, it's not my job to tell you what to do with your life. But I do know what is best for you, and it would be unethical for me to not give you the important advice I know to be true. And few pieces of advice are more important than "who you should and shouldn't be giving your bodily love to."
Some guys just need to be stopped in life, and the first measure of stopping them is to stop rewarding them with sex, which allows them to think what they are doing isn't in completely insane and bad. Besides, if we're being honest, you could probably do better. (You will always regret sleeping with these guys if you decide to do it.)
Here, the 6 specific types of guys who are just never worth it.
1. The guy who gets worked up about things women do on social media
It's one thing to be irritated with things people choose to post or divulge on social media, and I am the last person to criticize that impulse, as my only real hobby is leaving passive-aggressive comments on acquaintances' status updates. But! It's quite another thing to get SO ANGRY at women for loving pumpkin spice, or taking selfies, that you feel compelled to write a several-paragraph-long rant on Facebook about how dumb it all is. Essentially, any guy who has ever felt irritated enough by benign female behavior to make any kind of speech about it is a bad choice. (This goes for men who share "bitches be like"-esque memes. Those guys should never be rewarded with any kind of sexual contact.)
2. The guy who refuses to dress well, but expects it from people he dates
If his idea of "dressing up" is putting on his least-offensive medium wash jeans, an untucked button-down shirt (baby blue for the business bros, grey-and-black striped for computer nerds), and square-toed, scuffed dress shoes, no. If he does all this and still somehow expects his women to "stay looking good," and put in an effort with dresses and heels and makeup when they go out, that "no" has an exclamation point on it.
3. The guy who awkwardly hits on you via social media.
Did he friend you out of nowhere after, like, four years of not seeing you, and then start awkwardly liking basically everything you post? Does he message you every once in a while with a smiley face and some meandering question about how things are going, in the vague hope that you will initiate sex somehow in this conversation? Does he respond to your totally non-sexual status updates with something that is clearly a weak attempt at a pickup line? Does he leave thirsty comments on your profile picture from your trip to Portugal, thinly disguised as compliments about your hair or outfit?
If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, don't have sex with him.
4. The guy who takes pride in drinking
There is a very sad, very specific brand of dude (beyond undergraduate) who takes pride in being able to take down a bunch of beers at once, keeps his empty bottles lined up on top of his cupboards, or willfully refuses to acquire hobbies that don't involve drinking. Basically he is in the early stages of a drinking problem, but it comes in the form of "extending his fratty college drinking career," so it's less easy to pinpoint when he's still making it through his bro-y twenties. But you still shouldn't be sleeping with him.
5. The guy who talks down about your interests, but likes things that are basic as hell
He is way too evolved to participate in your stupid, superficial interests, such as Real Housewives shows, nail polish, or Taylor Swift's new album. He is too busy following his refined, complex hobbies, such as college football, beer, prank shows on YouTube, and the same shirt that literally every other man in his age bracket has.
6. The guy who has no roommate boundaries
Perhaps the most effective way a guy can destroy his sex prospects is by having a roommate situation that is just totally inconducive to lovemaking. Like, even if he is the perfect dude, if his room stores the house bong – or has to be walked through to get to another room – this is an automatic dealbreaker. He shouldn't let people walk in without knocking, or steal your food, or hang out when you are basically in your underwear and feeling bloaty. He should have good boundaries set up with his roommates, otherwise you are bound to get caught naked by a guy named Trevor who just came in to steal some Ambien. And honestly, once you're past a certain age, you are way too grown and sexy to be in that kind of a situation.
Image: Good Universe/Neighbors