As I pulled myself out of yet another hours-long YouTube rabbit hole last night, unkinked my sedentary, aging bones from their computer desk position, and blinked my red, dry eyes back into a vaguely functioning state, I started wondering where my life had all gone so horribly wrong, the way any junkie does while pulling themselves up after another ill-advised binge. Where did it all start? When was the first time I came to know the blissful, self-loathing joy of spacing out for hours in front of a computer screen without doing a single goddamn useful thing? When I went back through the years, I found where it all began: the maze screen saver on Windows 95.
Maybe it's because I don't even use a screen saver anymore (I'm a classy grown-up; I just put my computer to "sleep"), but I can't recall anything in the past 20 years that comes close to being as mesmerizing, alluring, frustrating, and exquisite as being lost in the Windows maze. The thrills! You never knew what was going to happen. Is this whole situation about to flip upside down? Who knows?! It's a wild world in there, and we were all happily along for the ride.
Image: L-1011 Widebody/YouTube