Miley Cyrus Wears a Crop Top, Public Opinion Indicates That We Don't Like I

Why are we so offended by Miley's crop top addiction?

I'll tell you why — because we are deeply and intensely jealous. We're jealous because if we wear a crop top we look more like Seth Rogen pre-weight loss, but when she wears one it looks like this:

Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

Or like this:

Such jealousy is okay. Normal even. But as loathe as I am to defend Miley Cyrus, it's not cool for us all to slut-shame her just because her abs make us feel like our tummies look like marshmallow fluff with a heaping side of shame. I'm all about flowy dresses and tunic tops, but if my stomach looked like Miley's, I'd seriously challenge you to find me in a shirt ever. I'd be rubbing myself all over Liam Hemsworth belly first like it was my damn job, so in that light, Miley has shown considerable restraint.

Abs like that are too big a carb-free commitment for me to even consider, but Miley has made that monumental choice, so I think she deserves to wear whatever tiny tops her heart desires. I'll be the first to say it: FREE MILEY'S ABS.