We knew the first Fast & Furious 7 trailer would play the attentive host to our adrenal glands, dousing our waking senses in a thick syrup of action and speed. We knew even that it would call upon our heartstrings, introducing glimmers of Paul Walker that we aren’t quite sure if we’re ready to see. But what we never knew is how challenging our initial glimpse at Furious 7 would be on an intellectual level, treating us to the nigh impossible brain teaser of “Car or Woman?”
In this most perturbing test of American intellect, we’re charged a degree of mental acumen yet unknown. In two short minutes, the video manages a seemingly impossible number of instances that make the average viewer wonder, baffled and bothered, if that which he had just seen — a thing motive but rigid, dead-faced and silent, glowing from a topcoat of enigmatic waxes — was a car or, in fact, a woman.
It’s quite hard to tell, but we’ve managed to break down each instance of mystery in the trailer. Take the quiz below one round at a time, reading the passage that describes in detail a role in the Furious 7 trailer that has been assigned to either an automobile or a human female, and then scroll down to reveal the answer in screenshot form.
Go on, give it a whirl. And don’t be ashamed if you miss a few — we think the people making the movie got a little confused themselves.
ROUND 1: CAR OR WOMAN?
Our first subject is unlocked from the cargo compartment of a big rig, thrown physical from the moving vehicle onto the highway, screeching as it collides with a speeding automobile below. Car or woman?
Woman! This entity is played by TV’s own Nathalie Emmanuel.
ROUND 2: CAR OR WOMAN?
Our next focus is met in tight close-up as to admire its frame. It be found atop a raised platform in the center of an elegant showroom smack dab in the middle of the afternoon, ogled by a leviathan of barking men alongside exquisite statues and fountains. Go for it — car or woman?
Woman! See? It is tough!
ROUND 3: CAR OR WOMAN?
Coming up next, we get a rear glimpse of a new model parked carelessly on a main road, bounding without regard between two racing cars planted level as if for immediate aesthetic comparison with their third cohort. Well, that seems like a simple one. Car or woman?
C—oh, woman. I guess that one’s a woman. Hm. Well, I guess that would have been a little too obvious, wouldn’t it? Moving on!
ROUND 4: CAR OR WOMAN?
Next up, our subject sits perfectly still as an enterprising man about town asserts his hand upon its sleek exterior, clearly interested in making a claim for ownership. Come on, that’s a no brainer. Car or woman?
Wait, what? Woman? Seriously? Jesus, guys, did anyone take a second look at this trailer before putting it on YouTube?
ROUND 5: CAR OR WOMAN?
OK, here we go, no brainer. No. 5 ascends into frame as if from nowhere — dead center shot of its chassis, glowing like goddamn metal. You get, like, a split second view of the top of the thing before attention degrades back to its midsection. This one has to be a car, right?
What?! You're kidding me! Who made this thing? How is it that cars and women have the exact same amount of lines in this trailer?!
Images: Universal Pictures (6)