Dr. Oz Dresses Like a Woman For Your Own Good

Dr. Oz is in drag. Why? Because you won't just pony up and buy sensible shoes, ladies. This is what your irresponsible decisions has wrought. And it makes sense, right? Because no woman would purchase sensible shoes from a man in nice slacks and a button-up shirt. They need to be able to gab with a gal donning red nail polish and "on-trend" bangs before they're willing to even think about laying down the dollars to put a new duds on their precious feet. Amirite, ladies?

No, I'm not. Because that makes about as much sense as your primary physician dressing like a shark because you won't eat kale. Yet, People has the exclusive images of Dr. Oz's undercover operation, in which he dresses like a Nancy Reagan-Rachel Bilson hybrid in order to convince unknowing shoppers to choose shoes they don't want to buy. We can't help but wonder (the idea of losing our strappy sandals to Ms. Oz's charms has us feeling a little Carrie Bradshaw-esque) what made anyone at the Dr. Oz Show think this absurd measure was necessary?

He's Tried Before and We Didn't Listen

Oz has a couple of posts on his website, from Summer 2013 alone, the spread his age-old message: flip-flops and wedges are bad for you, please stop wearing them. He also tried in 2009 and 2010 to scare women into wearing the right shoes, but gosh darn it, ladies are still running around in their fashionable footwear instead of switching to Fit Flops — a shoe so ugly your grandmother probably wouldn't wear it. "Gee, I wonder why ladies are ignoring me?" he wondered. "Could it be because I'm not cross-dressing? Ah, yes. Because women are obstinate creatures who only listen to other women on principle. They'll definitely listen to a 'woman' who looks and sounds suspiciously like me! My jove, I've done it."

His Ratings Are Slipping And He's Reached Desperation

It's true. Dr. Oz is no longer the great and powerful. In 2013, he saw a steep ratings decline, falling behind that other TV doctor, Dr. Phil. Naturally, he must go where Dr. Phil's southern drawl wouldn't: to a reality where Tootsie is the basis for all decisions, and sensationalism gets you write-ups on blogs and knee-jerk viewers.

He's A Huge YouTube Comedy Fan and This Is Actually An Homage

Let us not forget the classic YouTube sketch "Shoes."

He Has No Idea What He's Doing

After January's explosive profile of the not-so-good doctor in The New Yorker , this is probably the real reason behind his nonsensical decision-making.