I am not a morning person. In the morning, I am cranky, easily annoyed, and not only completely incoherent, but also unable to process even the simplest of directives. My mom says that I look like a little kitten that was just born when I wake up: eyes still mostly closed, stumbling about, making pained mewing sounds. The redeeming part of this is that I am not alone. Being "Not A Morning Person" is a long established genre of person. And for those of you who identify as morning haters, I salute you. Mornings are the worst.
Mornings mean leaving the comfort of your bed. Showering, being wet, having to dry off. Choosing clothes. Getting dressed. Making food. Commuting to work. Being awake. You know what's better than all that? Another hour of sleep. You can completely forget about any morning that involves rising while it's still dark outside. Same goes for freezing cold mornings in the dead of winter. The only good thing about the morning is that it means you will have coffee soon, and maybe bagels, if bagels are what you like. Some people obviously breeze through mornings (I'm shaking my fist at you and grumbling), but others just can't get it together. Here are the 6 biggest struggles people who hate mornings will understand.
1. GETTING OUT OF BED
Obviously, the first struggle of hating the morning is getting out of bed because getting out of bed is a physical acknowledgment that it is, in fact the morning.
2. THE INTERRUPTION OF AWESOME DREAMS BY THE SNOOZE ALARM
This morning when I fell back asleep after hitting snooze, I dreamed that I met Hillary Clinton and she hugged me and I asked her to allow resident tax paying aliens in the US (especially Australians) vote in elections when she became POTUS. My alarm woke me up before I got her answer, and I was unable to will myself back into the dream when I hit snooze again, and instead wound up in some dumb, dreamless sleep instead. Being ripped out of lovely dreams is a terrible start to a day, and creates even more of a reluctance to leave the bed.
3. HAVING 10 MINUTES TO GET READY AND LEAVE THE HOUSE
When you finally realize you've been hitting snooze for nearly an hour and you have to leave the house in 10 minutes or you'll be late for work, things get hectic. You try showering, teeth brushing, breakfast eating, coffee drinking, dressing and getting your shit for the day together in ten minutes when you're still half asleep.
4. DOING ANYTHING AT ALL BEFORE FOOD AND COFFEE
Not possible. Mornings are only bearable after coffee. I am a monster before coffee. Anyone who has ever had to be around me knows they shouldn't speak to me before coffee. Everything is better after coffee.
5. THE DAILY AMNESIA ABOUT HOW EVERYTHING IS BETTER AFTER COFFEE
People always say "tomorrow's another day" which is maybe why, every morning when a morning person wakes up, they completely forget the day before (and every other day before) when everything was totally fine after the first hour of being awake. The daily amnesia is what makes non-morning people so melodramatic in the mornings. If we were able to remember how much better things are after coffee, we wouldn't hate mornings so much.
6. BEING AROUND PEOPLE WHO LOVE MORNINGS
Chirpy, happy, "ready to face the day with a smile and a little side-kick-jump" people are a morning-hater's worst enemy. There's nothing worse than being grumpy and hateful and being around someone who is even mildly enthusiastic, let alone a morning lover. Although sometimes being around a good morning person can pull you out of your morning funk, especially if that person happens to be someone you love.