History has inserted thousands of speech bubbles into that famous photo of Sophia Loren giving Jayne Mansfield's cleavage the side-eye, but finally, that infinitely caption-able photo has officially been explained. Sophia Loren dished on the famous Jayne Mansfield photo and confirmed that her notorious expression was saying exactly what you thought it was. In so many words, "I can't even with these bewbs next to me."
Just a few days before the release of her memoir Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow (coming out Nov. 4), Loren chatted animatedly with Entertainment Weekly about the night that the 57-year-old photograph was taken. Paramount was throwing a dinner party in her honor, and the créme de la créme of Hollywood was there to celebrate. In spite of the fanfare, Loren recalls that what made the night truly amazing was the suspense of Jayne's cups teetering on brink of running over. She said:
All of cinema was there, it was incredible. And then comes in Jayne Mansfield, the last one to come. For me, that was when it got amazing. She came right for my table. She knew everyone was watching. She sat down. And now, she was barely... Listen. Look at the picture. Where are my eyes? I'm staring at her nipples because I am afraid they are about to come onto my plate.
Meet Sophia Loren: national treasure, Hollywood legend, people-watching enthusiast, person with absolutely no poker face. She continued:
In my face you can see the fear. I'm so frightened that everything in her dress is going to blow — BOOM! — and spill all over the table. There may be other photos, but this is the picture. This is the one that shows how it was. This is the only picture.
HAHAHAHAHA. This description is beyond perfect. Sophia Loren's storytelling skills are everything I thought they would be and more. Let's take another look at the only picture ever with the confirmed knowledge of Sophia's hilarious internal monologue:
On another note, can I die and request to be reborn as Sophia Loren's best friend circa that night? This is the only picture, and she is the only person I want in my life. Together, we will provide irreverent commentary for all of the world's wardrobe malfunctions. The end.