Can you imagine a mini Timberlake in the world? I don’t think you guys understand just how stellar this baby would be, because not only would the tiny tyke have Jessica Biel’s smile, but it would have JT’s dance moves, and probably even his naturally curly Ramen-esque hair. Yeah, we won’t forget your 'NSYNC fro, Justin. We will never let that go. Seeing as Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel look to be expecting a baby, I figured that it would be a good idea to help the first time parents with some handy baby raising tips. Now, I say this from the perspective of a former baby who is currently raising myself, so I suppose that gives me some sort of credibility to hash out advice. And if that doesn’t sell you, I assure you that I’ve watched Mary Poppins many a time in my youth (and last Thursday), so it’s safe to call me a child rearing expert, right? Right. Think of it as a "thank you" for bringing sexy back, Justin.
(Update: On Jan. 31, Justin Timberlake's 34th birthday, the couple confirmed they are expecting a baby via Timberlake's Instagram.)
While I might not be the most expert guide for raising a child, I do have access to Biel and Timberlake's Instagram accounts, where they each share pics of their fresh faced child selves, and I think there are a few tips to be learned from them.
Make Sure They Know How to Pop, Lock, & Drop It
But not twerk. Twerking is for only after they do their homework, graduate college, and become a lawyer or a doctor.
Start Them Early on Practicing Their Blue Steel Expression
It'll pay for itself in the long run.
Use Them to Practice Your Braiding Skills
So when it comes to making your own J. Crew ad-worthy fish tail braid, you look on point. Meanwhile, your kids can pull off all of the experimental stuff and still come off looking adorbs.
Encourage Banjo Solos During the family Jam Sessions
Better yet, don't even tell the kid. Go for optimum surprise and just toss him the banjo or mic during a jam session and see what he does. It's sort of like tossing the baby into the lake to learn how to swim. How else can he overcome stage fright?
Show Them What Makes the Best Presents
A life fish you caught two seconds ago? Yes. Don't even wrap it in a box or anything. Just bring it over to the recipient to handle with his bare hands.
Teach Them About Flowers
That's a stick, Baby Justin. As a new parent, you have to teach your kids early on what acceptable flowers are, so they can get you proper bouquets for birthdays and holidays.
Keep Them Guessing
Remember you are this baby's guide into the world. They really don't know you from a can of paint until you teach them. That's why they always seem confused in photos. They're actually cuter that way too, so always keep them guessing.
Train Them How to Defend Themselves
Zombies, intergalactic space invaders, Lannisters — you never really know who you might need to defend your house against, and your little baby needs to be able to handle his or herself because you might be occupied fighting butt.
Tell Them to Always Be Their Awesome Selves
Then again with Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel as parents the kid's going to be awesome... hereditarily speaking. I'm kidding. I know they'll raise the mini Timberlake to be charming and hilarious just like their parents, especially if they follow my tidbits of wisdom.
Images: Cracking Cases Like a Boss/tumblr