This Documentary Will Show An Anaconda Eating A Man Alive (Because Apparently We've Run Out Of Things To Make Documentaries About)
No, this has nothing to do with Nicki Minaj's ass, but now that I've said it, I would pay good money to see her ass eat a man alive. What's actually happening here is that wildlife expert Paul Rosolie has agreed to be "eaten alive" by an anaconda and have the whole thing filmed for a Discovery Channel documentary. I don't know about you, but I'm wondering how much of an expert this guy could be when he's willingly volunteering to be eaten by a giant snake.
The Discovery Channel's site doesn't clarify exactly why this is a thing that will be happening, just that it is simply a thing that is happening. Rosolie will be wearing a custom-made "snake-proof" suit when he goes into the belly of the beast, but I'm still wildly skeptical of the whole thing. I mean, I'm pretty sure no one has ever prefaced "being eaten alive by a snake" with "You know what sounds like a good idea?"
Anacondas (aside from the musical penis metaphors) are generally known for their ability to both consume large mammals whole and asphyxiate anything. They're terrifying monsters, and they can grow up to 22 feet in length. The more I type, the more I feel like this is a terrible idea. I know the "experiment" will be carried out under controlled circumstances, but we don't live in a cartoon world. Milhouse will not go into the belly of the snake and come out unscathed. Everything will not come up Milhouse. And I'm not just talking about for Rosolie. What if something goes awry and the snake is harmed? PETA will be SO pissed.
Everything is a mess. I am panicking now. Can you tell? Anyway, the documentary is set to air Sunday, December 7th (8/7c) on The Discovery Channel, so only then will we know exactly how much of a ridiculous idea this is.
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