Everyone knows it's taboo to ask about a woman's age, and even worse, it's absolutely forbidden to imply she is older than she is. But not all of us feel this way. Some of us wish strangers would add years to our ages. Example: I was at the nail salon today when the lady doing my pedicure smiled and asked if I was in high school. "No, I'm actually in graduate school." She gasped as if this was some off-the-wall, absurd revelation, "I thought you were 11 or 12!" I am 25 years old. FML.
There is nothing worse than being in your twenties and looking like a teenager. Seriously. Nothing. (Okay, maybe a Nutella shortage, but absolutely nothing else). And I'm not the only one who feels this way. So all of you baby-faced mature adults who look as though you have yet to enter puberty, let's commiserate here. And everyone else who's lucky enough to not look as though you're committing a crime every time you consume alcohol in public, please take heed — these are the things women who look way younger than their actual age are really really really freaking sick of hearing.
1. "I Thought You Were [Insert Condescending Child's Age Here] !"
Yes. I know. Sometimes I surprise myself when I look in the mirror, too. But if you're thinking it, other people have thought it, and that means I've heard it — TWO THOUSAND TIMES. So just don't say it. Keep your thoughts to yourself.
2. "You're Never Going To Need Botox!"
Oh yeah. That's exactly what everyone in their early twenties is worried about.
3. "Can I See Your ID?"
Ugh OK fine I get that this is like, a law, or whatever. But I almost want to start handing over an obvious fake so I at least look like a badass 13-year-old.
4. "No School Today?"
No, damnit, and hold the judgment — I’m a mature, responsible adult. If I want to sit at Starbucks in the middle of the day playing Candy Crush and eating chocolate in my pajamas, I’m perfectly entitled to make that decision.
5. That Look
Sometimes words aren’t even required. It’s just the judgment-ridden faces I get when I step out wearing something slightly revealing/engage in PDA/wander around at an hour that appears to be way past my curfew. Please. I’m not some lost soul in need of saving.
The pet names from total strangers are no longer necessary after junior high; I’m not a kitten to be fawned over.
7. "Are You OK? Where's Your Mom?"
I got this — THANKS. I’m a tax-paying adult; if I happen to have a tearful breakdown on the side of the street because the subway was late, I spilled coffee on my shirt, the line at Chipotle was too long, and Olivia won’t take Fitz’s phone calls on Scandal (I know, I know — I’m really behind on my episodes) then so be it. I'm only human — not going through puberty.
8. "Actually, Dear, I’m Going To Need Your Parent"
Thanks for the concern, but I don’t need a permission slip to swipe my own credit card in a department store — see, it’s even got my name on it and everything. Fancy shmancy.
9. And, My Personal Favorite, "What Grade Are You In?"
Oh, let me see, that would be... 17th. I’m in graduate school, for crying out loud. This is some seriously tough stuff.
But as obnoxious as the remarks can be, I’ll concede that looking young might come in handy sometimes. I mean there’s the Botox thing for the future, and, you know, if you want to go see the One Direction movie in theatres and blend in with all the tweens. (This may or may not be based on real life events.) Just saying.
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