Cleveland College Student Will Pay You to Pretend to be his Wife (Surprisingly Not in a Sexual Way)
Hey ladies, are you a struggling actress looking for a job? Are you based in Cleveland? Do you have questionable employment standards? Then boy, do I have the gig for you. A college student in Cleveland posted on Craigslist that he’s offering a whopping $75 (plus $100 per "photo shoot" — we'll get to that later) for the woman who agrees to pose as his fake wife. He is also looking for a fake kid, so if you or anyone you know is a terrible parent, feel free to hand their baby over to this totally legitimate-sounding business endeavor.
“Is this bro doing a real-life enactment of We’re the Millers?” you may be asking yourself. Sadly, as far as I can tell, no Mexican drug cartels were involved in the making of his Craigslist ad. Don't worry, though, it's still just as hilarious as the movie. To quote from the ad directly:
“Two things have become quite clear to me: The business world will do everything in its power to pay young professionals entering the working world as little as possible, and people are always a sucker for cute kids.”
I do love kids, so I can’t really argue with him there. But why stop at babies? Why not cute puppies, kitties, and a baby sloth? Try resisting that, potential employers!
“I have personally witnessed many cases of favoritism towards married employees or employees with children, the idea being that they have more of an incentive to be a devoted worker than others might and are therefore deserving of a better wage regardless of actual performance.”
Or maybe it’s just because they have more mouths to feed? But what do I know, I’m not a business analyst.
Here’s his master plan:
Approximately six months before I formally begin searching for a job, I will post approximately 12-24 photos of my "family" and my "life", meshed together to create an entirely phony yet truly believable picture of myself. If everything goes as planned, whatever branch of whatever organization that looks into my background pending being hired for my first real job will be inevitably perusing my Facebook page and more and will come to the conclusion that I am deserving of a "Family Man" level of compensation…This is how these people think supposedly. It's so crazy it just might work.
Or it’s so crazy that people just might think you’re insane, but that’s none of my business. Also, what happens when his employers (assuming there are any) actually do a real background check and find out his marital status? What then?
And, ladies, in case you’re worried that these weird-ass photo shoots might haunt you for the rest of your professional career, never fear. He plans to delete them once he reaches the salary level he “deserves” (that's another discussion for another day). This dude sounds like a real winner. Sign me up!
If this kind of gig speaks to you, here’s a list of some more odd (as in weird), yet decently-paying jobs you probably haven’t heard of, but might want to consider:
Exactly what it sounds like. You sit on furniture and review what’s comfortable and what’s not for an average of $31k a year.
2. Professional Snuggler
Just snuggles, get your head out of the gutter! According to a website called thesnuggery.org (isn’t that just the cutest name ever?) pro snugglers can make $60 for a one-hour session, and I’m pretty sure you don’t even need a degree in Snuggle Therapy.
You can earn an average of $40,000 per year taste-testing your dog’s food, but even that wouldn’t be enough to convince me to do it. Why are we even assuming humans and dogs have the same tastes?
With an annual salary of almost $40,000, you could say that being a sex toy tester sure would be a satisfying career!
I just made this up and Googled it just to see and lo and behold, this is a real thing! It’s not exactly what it sounds like though — it’s more like a spot-inspector who checks out the tampons for things like absorbency, head protection, and string strength in accordance with FDA standards. Still, I bet it makes for great dinner conversation.
Image: Kevin N. Murphy/Flickr