What Not To Say To A Girl Who Always Does Her Hair

by Tess Yocom

Hi, my name is Tess Yocom and I addicted to straightening my hair. And by addicted, I mean completely addicted. It all began in 6th grade. After learning that my Princess Mia pre-princess hair could actually look polished, I made my mom straighten my hair every single day before school. Of course, she quickly became annoyed with having to style her daughter’s hair on a daily basis, so she bought me my own straightener and taught me how to use it. And it all went downhill from there.

Yeah — I straighten my hair every single day. Hey, sometimes even twice a day. Why? Because that’s how I like it. If I can order pizza from my phone or Google anything in an instant, then certainly I should also embrace today’s wonderful hair care technology.

I’ve heard it all throughout the years, from “I’m basically frying my hair” to “I should totally embrace my natural waves.” And, dammit, I’m TIRED of it. What I do with my hair is my business, and I shouldn’t feel the need to justify it every time I plug in my straightener.

So, to anyone who ever looked at me funny when I tried to find a working outlet in a swim team locker room or woke up early to touch up my layers, here’s what I — and every other girl who can’t live without her heat tools — have to say to you. Because we’re pretty sick of hearing these questions.

1. “You know you’re completely damaging your hair, right?”

Sure, I’ll give this one to you. But we all do things that our bodies will absolutely hate us for in 40 years. That extra slice of pizza? Those tequila shots? Yeah — those aren’t that great, either.

BUT, guess what? There’s tons of hair products that can actually protect against heat damage! I religiously use heat spray before my hair goes near my straightener. Isn’t that great? You can take a deep breather on that one.

2. “Why are even bothering with you hair? You know it’s supposed to rain today.”

Yeah, that 90 percent chance of rain isn’t looking very great. But I WILL take a risk. Because what happens if — by some miracle graced down from the sky — it doesn’t rain? My hair will look the way I want it to. But, if it does? I’ll regret all the time and effort I spent just a little bit.

But really, let’s hope it does not rain today.

3. “Don’t you want to sleep in? I could never wake up that early just to do my hair.”

It’s worth it. Really worth it. When you love doing your hair, the thought of sleeping through your alarm sounds much worse than waking up 20 minutes early.

Oh, and if you’re sharing a bathroom, I’ll get first dibs. Sorry.

4. “Why don’t you like your natural texture? I would KILL for wavy/curly/straight hair.”

Because I don’t. Different textures work on different people, so while you may be jealous of my naturally wavy hair, I just want to get rid of it.

And trust me, I’ve tried working my wavy hair. If I blow dry it, I look like Princess Mia (see the above gif for a lovely reference.) If I don’t, it’s flat. Plus, what I do with my hair is my business. I know what works and stick with it.

5. “If you’re just going to pull your up in a ponytail, why do you even both styling it?”

Oh, if only you knew. Having the perfect texture for an updo is just as important as letting your hair down. If I didn’t straighten my hair, it wouldn’t stay up as easily. And none of us like dealing with a swarm of bobby pins in our hair, right? Right.

6. “Why do you always straighten your hair for class? Who are you trying to impress?”

NO ONE. I am not trying to impress anyone. Straightening my hair is something I do for myself and myself only. If you haven’t picked up on a pattern yet, I style my hair because that’s how I choose to wear it.

Some people wear red lipstick. Other people rock statement necklaces. They shouldn’t have to justify their signature style, and neither should I.

7. "What would you do if you had to go without your straightener? Would you die?"

I’ll live. Even through the six previous post make me sound completely attached to my CHI straightener, I WILL live.

When I was a camp counselor, I would leave my hair products at home for the entire week. Why? Because trying to style your hair in a crowded camp bathroom is never worth it. If I’m going a few days without my straightener, stop staring at me and asking if I’ll crack without it. I’ll be alright.

Images: Getty, Giphy (7)