There are very special feelings that come over you when you nab something on sale. And I'm not talking 10% off—I'm talking really on sale. For instance, I was once eyeing off a pair of $120 leather-heeled chelsea boots. I'd pinned them to my Pinterest "WANT WANT WANT WANT MUST HAVE ARGH KILL ME NOW" board, and obsessively looked at them while procrastinating, trying to decide whether or not they were worth buying when I had, you know, responsible adult stuff to spend my money on, like bills and nice forks.
My responsible attitude to not frivolously spend paid off when the site I saw them on had a massive sale. As soon as I was notified of the sale by email, I went straight for the boots (this is the key to sale shopping: only buy things you already wanted), which had been reduced to THIRTY DOLLARS. I immediately purchased them, and impulsed purchased a pair of loafers (disregarding my own advice about only buying things you already wanted in sales, but in my defense, they are so, so cute and I wear them all the time) that had been reduced from nearly $200 to $50. It was a savings BLOOD BATH.
Needless to say, I was impossibly satisfied with myself. I spent the whole week waiting for the arrival of my package of sale shoes just prancing about like I was the cat that got the cream AND the mouse AND the bird AND the ball of twine. I don't know if it's because I'm super Greek and genetically predisposed to cream for bargains, but buying something about a really good sale gives me the kind of high that makes me feel like an accomplished adult. Yes, more so than actually being an accomplished adult. I don't know what it is about getting something for cheap. It's magic. For the bargain hunters out there: here are some feels you'll know from when you nab something on sale.
1. LIKE YOU'VE WON
Getting something on sale is like winning a competition. It's you against the stores, all the other shoppers, and your credit card, AND YOU BEAT THEM ALL. You tricked them. You wiled them out in their own game and emerged triumphant. YOU ARE THE WINNER OF SHOPPING.
2. AS THOUGH YOU ACHIEVED SOMETHING
There's a sense of achievement that comes from buying something on sale. It almost feels like you were productive (even though, admittedly, you were not; you were still just spending money). Instead of paying full price like some chump, you worked hard and got the same thing for a fraction of the price because you masterminded it this way, you supreme, brilliant genus! You are Beyonce and you just dropped a surprise album on everyone and it was a success! Everything in your life has been leading to this bargain! You worked for it, eschewing all full prices goods! You earned it!
3. THAT YOU'RE ACTUALLY, DEFINITELY PERFECT
We all have things about ourselves we'd like to change, but when you buy something at an insanely low price, you get to feeling that yes, yes, I am perfect, I am so perfect, don't mind if I do! All your insecurities melt away and suddenly you and everything about your life is one big shoulder dust-off because you're glorious in every single way.
4. AND YOU HAVE TO TELL EVERYONE ABOUT IT
There's a strange desire to tell EVERYONE about it when you nab a bargain. Every time someone compliments me on my awesome sale boots (which is every time I wear them, because – did I mention? – hey're awesome), I almost knock the wind out of myself racing to tell the compliment giver how much of a bargain they were. It's as if telling the story of the sale amplifies the compliment. It's like saying, "Oh yeah, you like my boots, do you? Well, listen to how crafty and thrifty I was when I bought them. How you like me now, huh?"
5. LIKE NOTHING WILL EVER BRING YOU DOWN AGAIN
"EVERYTHING IS THE BEST AND NOTHING WILL EVER BE BAD AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!" you scream inside your head every time you feel smug about your bargain.
6. BECAUSE YOU'RE BETTER THAN EVERYONE
Back to the initial point: You have won. Everyone else can eat your dust. You got the bargain and they did not. Everyone must feed you grapes and fan you with big leaves and talk about how marvelously you shop, darling.
7. SO YOU NEED TO SHOP AGAIN, IMMEDIATELY
Once you calm down again and start doing the math, you'll start feeling the urge to shop again. Because buying a pair of $120 boots for $30 actually means you got $90 for free. This is the logic of a bargain lover. Go forth. Spend more. After all, you saved it in the first place by nabbing that bargain, didn't you? Pretty much the only logical thing to do with saved money is spend it on something else! (Look, I never said I was a perfect adult, alright?)
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