The Goop Gift Guide Has Everything!

It's that time of year, y'all! Nope, I'm not talking about the two weeks before Thanksgiving where you just... can't... wait... for it to be time for a break from work. I'm talking about Gwyneth Paltrow releasing her Goop gift guide. Woo! And guess what else? This year she tried to keep everything under $100! No. Seriously. She tried and succeeded at keeping a ton of her suggested gifts under $100. Color me surprised.

When I heard that Goop's gift guide was live from Us Weekly, a bolt of pure excitement flowed through my body. I couldn't wait to see what kind of ridiculousness ol' Pal Pal had in store. After all, Us Weekly reported that the guide included a $12,000 vase. TWELVE. THOUSAND. DOLLARS. Paltrow was really going to out do herself with this one, I could feel it. I read a quote from Paltrow's gift guide intro sarcastically to my coworkers, and I was ready to dive in.

Paltrow opens up her gift guide by saying,

We tried to keep as much as possible at the $100 mark, though there are some splurges on here for your nearest and dearest. Plus, a girl can always dream.

Ahahahaha. Yeah, 'cause you're "nearest and dearest" really need a $12,000 vase... Sure, Gwyneth. Sure.

But then, I looked through the gift guide. She was right. Most things were under $100. The splurges, yes, the splurges are insane. But I found myself thinking that it wouldn't be so bad to have a clear teapot for $32, and $22 for a really pretty sleep mask isn't that crazy. And I want monogramed underwear! Is $75 really too much for a monogramed underwear set?! For the most part, Paltrow (or, whoever else at Goop put together this gift guide with her) really reigned it in. I was shocked.

Still, she didn't take out all the crazy, and I'm totally fine with that. That's what I wanted, after all. (Not to purchase, because, duh, I'm not insane, but to gawk at.) There is a travel backgammon set that costs $550. A nearly $2,000 bike. A GOLD JUICER FOR $4,739. Granted, Goop captioned this one, "Absurd, but awesome." Thanks, Goop.

On the one hand you might think that Paltrow should have taken this opportunity to switch things up completely, keep the list entirely under $100, show people that Goop is about more than selling plain white t-shirts for outrageous amounts of money. But that's not Goop's thing. People go to Goop expecting to see juicers that cost what is several months of rent for an average person. Goop's reader is someone who would buy Hermes playing cards — the rest of us are just there to be in awe of that.

Images: Shinola; Goop