Ah, Manhattan: The most coveted island destination for tourists who don't want to go to the beach. But for those who live and work on the island, the experience can be quite different — shall we say, life-altering. Locals and commuters are here to pursue their dreams and many others work long, grueling hours just to keep the city running. While visitors are able to inhale much of what NYC has to offer with few restrictions, New Yorkers are met with the challenge of balancing their schedules, budgets, relationships, and endless urban temptations in one of the most fast-paced, congested, and expensive environments in the world. (And they wonder why we are a different kind of animal.)
With all due respect to the rest of the world (okay, Tokyo and Hong Kong — you can relate) most people can't imagine living amongst such a tightly packed, eclectic crowd while you’re trying to focus on, well, life. You need to adapt fairly quickly — and New Yorkers definitely pride themselves on being chameleons. But sometimes our adaptive skills and behaviors can go a little overboard. Family and friends start to look at us funny and ask if everything is okay. Of course, we are too far gone at that point and clueless to our own near-insanity. This is how everybody thinks and acts, right?
Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else. I feel lucky every day to be here and I’m sure most of my fellow New Yorkers feel the same way. But when irreversible Road Runner mode sets in, I know it’s time to dig into those airline miles and head to Miami, or at least upstate. Here are 13 signs you need to get off the island of Manhattan more often.
1. Caffeine has become Your Go-To Food Group
You wake up with a cup. You have one after lunch, before workouts, while riding the train, before going out at night, before a date, or an interview. Your hands are shaking. It must be the cold.
2. You are the Terminator and Tourists are Your Target
I’m sure they’re very nice people. But the next group to stop in the middle of the sidewalk and look up or walk onto the empty train and just stop and stand by the door while 50 people are behind them will be leveled with your deadly laser eyes.
3. Brooklyn and Queens have started to Feel like the Country To You
What is this beautiful haven of houses and trees? And why is everybody walking so slowly?
4. You're Friends with your Seamless Guy
Did the delivery guy just ask how your roommate is and the score of the game? Yeah, that's nice, but you're using Seamless too much.
5. You Think Your Apartment is Big Because You Have a Closet
Party at my place! Oh…wait. I don't have a living room.
6. Large, open spaces have started to Terrify You
You, outside of the city: I have no idea where we are right now and Google Maps shows no subway stops! Was that a bear?!
7. Your Concept of Daily Finances is dangerously Skewed
"Oh, I know where those 50 bucks went! We took a cab and got a coffee, remember?"
8. Wearing Heels = wearing Boots
Because, really, how else are you supposed to walk so much? The last time you wore heels that weren't boots was probably at a wedding.
9. You think Yoga, Therapy, and Cheap Massages are normal monthly expenses
Mental health care is not an option here. Spending day in and day out running around an island of more than 1.6 million people, calls for some downtime and reflection — even if the positive effects may only last a few hours.
10. Your Tinder Dates Have also Been on Dates with Your Friends
It’s time to expand that mileage setting and/or finally be open to guys from New Jersey.
11. You Think People Who Don’t Make Set Plans and Reservations are Legally Insane
"Wing it? Is that a new place?"
12. You've taken multitasking to Herculean levels
You’re able to walk from your apartment to the nearest subway stop in one minute and 32 seconds flat in heels, while rescheduling your entire day and voice texting your best friend simultaneously.
13. You Have Ridiculously High Expectations — and find yourself judging anyone who doesn't
"What do you mean you’ve never dined blindfolded or with ninjas? And you guys don’t have Cronuts?! You don't have 13 types of world cuisine within a five-block radius? How do you live?!"
Images: FOX, Giphy (12)