All hail National Unfriend Day, the one day of the year we're given an excuse to cut the artificial social ties that bind us. Chances are someone's already on your mind; from that guy you met once at the club two and a half years ago to the girl you have 64 mutual friends with who you can't actually recall meeting in person, we've all got unnecessary connections. In a world where privacy is turning into a commodity, the fewer people able to stalk our every move, the better.
Jimmy Kimmel is the face of the "holiday," encouraging the world to unfriend those on our virtual friends lists who "post too much." According to data firm Nielsen Social, unfriending is a trend and we're all jumping at the opportunity; the reasons behind our unfriending habits are pretty expected.
55 percent of people unfriend due to offensive comments, 41 percent because they decide they don't know someone well enough and 39 percent because those people are trying to sell them something.
Surprisingly enough, according to their data, Facebook users are more likely to unfriend due to a user's depressing comments and lack of interaction than due to political comments, which are often the number one complaint of social media users.
So, who are the people we should really be unfriending? Here are five examples to facilitate your purge.
1. The First-World Problem Whiner
It's one thing to have a bad day, or to joke about something negative in a humorous way (oh hai sarcasm) but it's another completely to share daily struggles with the depth of a rock.
2. When Selfie Addiction Attacks
We think you're beautiful; we know you're beautiful. We believe in you. We also don't want to see your damn face at half-hour intervals.
3. Foodie Fred Meets Tech
The thing about posting your meal pics is that you can't share. They're really of no use to us. They make us hungry and our stomachs do that growly thing.
No one likes that growly thing.
4. The One-Man PR Team
There are things that simply don't go together: pizza and peanut butter. Snooki and The Situation. Pumpkin and coff- oh, wait.
Another one of those things is a perfect dream life and an obsessive social media presence. If your life is that utopian, go live it, friend. You're forcing the enhanced strength dosage of my xanax prescription with every post.
5. Club Promoter Penny
No, I don't want an exorbitantly expensive table at Club Red or Bar Pink for my birthday. I want food. Where's that foodie when you need her?
Images: Getty; Giphy (5)