Kanye West Uses LinkedIn to Provide Least-Descriptive Job Descriptions, Ever

Good news, America! Kanye West is bringing his alluring entrepreneurial spirit and hands-on approach to life to yet another new fashion venture. At least, if these two new LinkedIn job postings are to be believed. Which, let's hope for Kanye's sake that they're fake because, well, the two job listings on LinkedIn are a complete mish-mosh of random, uninformed vagueities (and yes, that is a made up word). But if he is serious about it, he's at least trying to hire real, live professional people, which is why his staffing consultant likely posted the jobs on the popular (OK, that might be a bit of a stretch) networking site — he knows where the people live, and that's online.

The best part about these potential jobs in the Kanye West empire? They're totally what you make of them. Literally: the descriptions posted up on LinkedIn couldn't be more vague if they tried. They're not so much job descriptions as they are blanket "just know all of the thing" statements formulated into a teeny, tiny list of 5 whole bullet points. (The VP apparently has more job requirements than the CFO, who only gets 4 bullet points. Go figure!)

So, for those playing at home, the job of VP will require you to have experience. You should be excited by things like "leverage" and the arbitrary power of a well-known name. And you should be comforted by the knowledge that at least once, Kanye West has asked the people at Louis Vuitton, Fendi, and Nike what it takes to run their business. (Oh, I'm sorry, according to the listing he has "studied" with them. Which, OK, sure: maybe he has! Whatever "studied" means to Kanye, of course, is another matter entirely.)

As the listing continues, so does the bullshit. You should know how to produce women's clothing (vague). You should have experience with multiple product lines (more vague) in multiple categories (even more vague), as well as "experience with both large, established RTW houses and smaller, scale-up operations" (not vague just a lot). So basically: we can't tell you what you have to know, but just know everything.

As for all you future CFOs out there, this "fascinating" and "unique" opportunity (which, in my job-hunting experience is generally code for "crazy" and "disorganized" but hey, what do I know?) will "involve broad accounting, administrative and financial oversight." And the job description? Basically, just have been a CFO before in an industry that's had to sell to people. Fashion experience a bonus!

Now, I am no expert about applying to VP and CFO positions (as I'm a writer and HAHA, can you imagine?), but I'm pretty sure if you're applying for the job of VP or CFO, you'd expect the listing to say, oh I don't know, maybe what the job will actually entail. Points of your business model that will directly involve the people you're hiring. Daily tasks? I mean, you need to give someone a bit more than "have experience" if they're going to drop their current, experience-rich job to hop on board the Kanye West crazytrain express. And if Kanye wants these VP and CFO folks to do most if not all of the heavy-lifting, he's going to want crazy-talented people who probably already have these jobs at successful companies with actual, proven visions and strategies. Taking a risk is one thing, bellyflopping into a pool of highly-conceptual sharks is quite another.

Because — lest you all forget — Kanye's tried to start a business before. Remember DONDA, his creative company that no one really knows much of anything about? Yeah, well, apparently that's still around but shrouded in secrecy and general weirdness. And very few — if any — of the founding employees are still around. Smell that? That's what happens when a vanity project begins to burn.

The whole thing seems built on the fact that this is such an "opportunity" and has no qualms in name dropping (in bold!) West to try and continue the allure. "And, unlike those in which celebrities merely lend their name to a label," the description reads, "this venture will have the power of Mr. West's creative genius at the heart and soul of it." So not only will you be wrangling employees, you'll also have to contend with the "genius" megalomania that West brings to any situation. Sounds like a dream.